My New Favourite Picture

I don't remember where this picture came from but it is simple and telling: A Jester. The mask. A stabbing of betrayal.

This would make a wonderful tattoo on someone's forearm.

What?

It is almost Friday morning. I really should have gone to bed about an hour or more ago but I am still up pounding out this blog post for my 5 readers.

I have been spending a lot of time at the hospital lately.

My grandmother was first admitted with severe back pain. After almost 14 days in the hospital she has been diagnosed with a few different things-

• Septic Arthritis
• Pinched nerves
• Staph Infection in her blood
• Pneumonia
• Tumors in her back

All of this and having to deal with it and having Alzheimer's.

Most of the time she has not had any ideas as to what is going on. Some medication that was supposed to help her has only had the opposite effect on her than it was supposed to. Delusional, disoriented, tired, in pain, forgetful and feeling alone she lay in her bed waiting to finally get out of that place.

The Alzheimer's is truly the worst part of it all. Sometimes she knows what is going on and other times she can barely remember anyone's name. Tonight she could not remember what her house or dog looked like so with thanks to the hospital's WiFi signal and my iPod Touch I was able to refresh her memory...for a moment at least.

Helping someone like her through something like this is very difficult on 2 counts. The first count is memory. Every time a question is asked an answer is given; but then it is asked again a minute later and it is then answered again a minute later. It is this sick feeling of talking to someone that you know is trapped in the scratched record of their mind. At first I could very easily understand why it seemed that one of my aunts got so frustrated so easily, but then after a while there was a certain serenity that set in when it dawned on me that even if she asked me the same question 1000 times in a row I would continue to faithfully answer as though it were the first time. She can't help it.

Some of the constant nagging questions-

What happened to me?

Why does my back hurt?

How long have I been here?

When can I go home?

Is anyone going to stay here over night with me?

Why is God doing this to me?

Why is God mad at me?

Am I going to die?

I don't mind the first questions but when it comes to the questions about God I think I might need to take a bathroom break.

I just can't answer those questions in a way that is prudent to her situation. I want to try and answer them but just not to her. She needs her faith right now; but I can at least try and answer them here-

God probably isn't doing this to you. Chances are, God has better things to do than take time out of his busy schedule to torture you. Chances are he isn't paying any attention at all right now because you, like me, are just a little speck of fly poop in this vast universe.

IF God is mad at you, then chances are it is for the same reason that he is mad at the rest of the world. If I were God and paying attention, I might be upset that so many people insist on making so many assumptions about me and form such imprisoning views of me based on their organized religions.

There was so much talk from others in the room as to how God was allowing these things as a test, or that it was just Satan trying to get her in her weakness to make her think that God didn't love her....take your pick of petty answers. My stomach churned as I listened to well meaning family members grasp at answers that none of them could know for sure. Which was worse- the fact that they didn't know the answers ultimately or that she couldn't remember them anyways?

The best answer that I could give when it was just she and I was just simply that her sickness had nothing to do with God and that it was just something that happened and she didn't need to worry herself with the details. The only thing that mattered was that she was getting better.

I don't mean for this to be a rant on religion; I just can't help but recall my feelings and observations about everything to this point:

• Religion may provide answers but they aren't always good ones
• Religion may provide good answers but it doesn't always mean that they are true
• Religion can ultimately confuse otherwise simple happenings by adding additional dimensions to stress
• People are people and they need to be treated with dignity regardless of their state
• Even if people get better today there is no guarantee that they won't just shut down unexpectedly tomorrow from something else- don't take anyone for granted
• It takes a village to care for a grandmother with such a terrible disease
• To care for someone with Alzheimer's means that you must completely give up on any future appreciation and do it strictly because you love them selflessly because you will be forgotten

Each one of here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding.- Rev. Maclean [A River Runs Through It]

Fall

Fall now appears to be in full swing. Mornings are crisp and sharp. The sun takes its time to make an appearance. The insects begin to burrow in hiding and the birds begin to take flight to warmer horizons.

With the changing of the leaves and the season this is a list of things that I like best about Fall:

• Sweaters
• Potato Soup
• Smoked Meats
• Football
• Combines in the fields
• Hot tea
• Sunsets
• The manifold colours of leaves
• Bonfires

Following the change in seasons is the change of needed sleeping habits. I have noticed that my need for sleep is in direct correlation to the amount of sunlight each day. While it seems that summer can be dealt with on minimal amounts, fall begins to change the cycle.

I imagine that our ancestors, pre electricity, also experienced this same thing. Daylight provided the ability to work and play while darkness was the indicator that it is now time to temporarily hibernate. Animals also seem to follow this same pattern of behaviour.

I have spent so much of my time these past few years working several jobs at once. Sleep seemed very overrated, but now as the season of my life also changes I hope to find more physical rest from work as well.

Rest. Reboot. Replenish.

I don't mean for any of this to sound like new-age spiritualism; but rather maybe it is time for a new age of returning to some of the old spirituality...the natural kind.

Awful

Who would do this to themself? Really?

Awwwww

A Sunday Morning Treatise

OK, so this really isn't any kind of a treatise...that just sounded way more official than what will end up being this short lack-meaning post.

I had a dream this morning that I was up and going by 5am. I even dreamed that I was going to have my first blog post for the day by 5:30 am and I could imagine the bewilderment of my readers when they saw the time that it was posted and hearing them ask themselves "why does he get up so early?" Well, I guess we are all disappointed then? :-) It is 7:56am as I type this and there is nothing life shaking going on here.

Did you know that it just dawned on me last night what the phrase Shiver Me Timbers meant? It is a pirate expression for I'm shaking in my boots. I don't know why I finally just put the two together last night but I did. Perhaps it was because I had Pirate on the brain on two accounts:

1. Yesterday was supposedly International Talk Like A Pirate Day

2. Today we will be going back to the Renaissance Faire for a day of Piracy

Last night my wife made little clothespin parrots for each of us to wear on our shoulders today. My daughter will be dressed up in a very fancy dress that will hopefully still compliment the era that the faire is trying to capture today. Either way, she will look fantastic!

My oldest son will also be sporting a costume, with an actual eye patch and small sword.

This morning I had the decision to make about what I would do this morning that would be most beneficial for the outcome of my day- either wake up and go play Frisbee Golf straight away or watch an episode of House M.D. while my oatmeal and green tea settled followed by a good 45 minute workout. I am opting for House and the workout. As much as I love Frisbee Golf, the morning games are often full of wet shoes and discs from the morning dew that has not yet burned off. Plus it is starting to lighten up later and later each morning.

BTW, wifi is now found @ my mom's house. Hoorah!

The __________ in the room

This picture says to me:

"Yes'm, I think I will go ahead and do whatever I please, thank you!"

A psychological explanation of why most blogs fail

There are millions of blogs, like this one, out there, or personal online journals where people link to and write about things of interest to them. Their lives, their hobbies, their politics, their technology. But somewhere close to 95% of these blogs ‘fail.’ The blog never gains any substantial kind of readership (outside of a handful of individuals — friends, family), or the author loses interest in writing on a daily or semi-daily basis, or the blog loses focus, direction and eventually, readership.

But most blogs fail because keeping an ongoing tally of one’s interests, life, politics, or technology is just plain hard and often times, monotonous. It’s difficult for most people to easily write hundreds of words every day that have some greater meaning (as opposed to the, “Wow, look at that beautiful sky today,” or “The NY Times said something interesting, here’s the link to it.”). I suspect most bloggers figure this out after the first or second week of writing. Writing well takes effort and time.

-- By John M Grohol PsyD; April 7, 2005 from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2005/04/07/why-most-blogs-fail/

I think that the above sums up why I haven't blogged in a while very nicely.

Over the past few weeks I have been making some pretty serious attempts at slimming down my calendar. Some attempts have worked better than others; but mostly I find that somehow the universe has a way of seeing openings in various time slots that are now available and then it sees some kind of vaccuum that has been created by the emptiness. Such has been the course of my last few weeks.

I have officially dissolved Custom Computer Works as a whole....but I find that I am still wrapping up some jobs related to it that are still lagging behind. Some of them I will miss while others of them cannot go away soon enough.

I will try and make it a point to post more often; like once a week or so and see how it goes. I might just need to go back to the whole "random entry" format again. I like to keep things interesting without becoming too cliche.

Since we're talking about time here for a moment I will leave you with this related video for now.

Too Little Time

Hello to all of my [3] readers that I have left hanging for months now without any posts. Life has been very busy handing me out items that usually consume more time than what I have.

I am not one to make excuses so I'll just cut right to the quick of what's been going on-

-Back on March 18th my wife and I welcomed the birth of our 3rd child, Murray James. He's now 2 months old and getting bigger by the day. So that ups the Whitehead clan to 5 with more to come in the future.

-Custom Computer Works is still alive and serving. Still no sign of it ever becoming anything more than just a hobby job for me but it helps us maintain a little cash flow on the side when needed.

-The wife and I are giving very serious action [whenever we get around to it] to selling our house in hopes of moving closer to the Des Moines area. For 8 years now I have been driving 2 hours each day back and forth to work and there is absolutely no logical sense for it. I had hoped to have a sign in the yard by June 1 but I don't think that the house will be ready for it....but I think I'll still put the sign up anyways and we can work on things as we have time. I'm open for later negotiations.

-I have decided that it is long overdue for me to take control of my life back from my stomach and butt. For the last 8 weeks I have been working more aggressively at getting back in to the shape that I am supposed to be in. I am taking the following actions:

• I am only eating 1/2 as much as I used to
• The food that I do eat is different from what I used to eat; no white bread or noodles made from white flour, more veggies, less sweets
• I bought some running shoes....and I'm actually using them for running
• I have gotten the mountain bike back out for some off-road trail riding
• I hung the punching back back up
• I dusted off the Total Gym and put it out in the garage where it could aways be ready for use
• I try to play outside with the kids more often

What I would love to find time to do:

• Finish writing some of my "dangling" songs that I've left alone for years
• Record those songs once they are finished
• Finish writing my book The Unauthorized and Incomplete High School Rememboirs of Rage Perry
• Take a trip to Scotland.....which will one day happen!

That is all for now. I need to go refinance my auto loan on my van. The banking institution that I work for has horrible rates so I need to go do this with another fine establishment.

What Size Does That Come In?

This is just a little ranty peeve of mine-

Tonight I called Godfather's to order a pizza. I forgot that they only had two sizes, personal pan and large. That is not so much of a problem for me because the alternate to the personal pan, being the large, is pretty large in comparison. So in this case it would seem to make sense to have a small and a large. Enough said.

But there is another place that I know of that is a burger joint that does not offer small, medium, and large. They only offer medium and large. My question is this- if you don't offer a small size then why offer a size called medium? It isn't a middle size to anything. Medium is a class that designates a middle point between two other sizes. If you don't have a small then it would only make sense to just possibly call the medium a regular at best.

Maybe I am just too fickle.

Enjoy this clip

March Mad-ness a.k.a. Have you seen me lately?

It has now been about a month and a half since I've made an etching in this, my tablet of Internet presence. Now, lest you take pity on me I do realize that I am but a speck. Only a fly turd in the vast dirt that makes up the rest of the soil of the soul of life outside my head.

Life has just been all over the place for me lately.

• Work has been very busy for me lately, as in my main job- but by now you should know my mantra about blogging about that; I DON"T DO IT....So I just leave it at that.
• My children are getting bigger before my eyes. My son will be 4 this summer and my daughter will be 6.
• My wife is getting bigger by the day and we are growing anxious for the timer to ding, letting us know that our current little belly bun is ready.
• I continue to learn more about life from many different dimensions.

Now for some random thoughts that you may or may not care to know-

1. Sometimes I am concerned with the amount that I eat...sometimes too much, sometimes not enough
2. I've been getting headaches more often lately that requires trips to my chiropractor
3. I sometimes feel like a conservative with liberal tendencies...but I'm still very conservative
4. I went to my first marriage conference this weekend with my wife that I actually kind of enjoyed.
5. The more I think, experience and ponder I find spirituality in general to have so many dimensions that it is confusing and tiring.
6. I like watching Celebrity Apprentice solely to watch people who think that they are big slowly get squashed.
7. I hope to actually get some enjoyment out of this coming spring and summer.
8. Even though the rest of the country is in a recession, I do not feel that my family is too greatly affected by it right now.
9. I need to go to bed earlier in the evenings.
10. I need to get up earlier in the mornings.
11. I wish I were any Oscan Meier weiner.
12. I have very high stress.
13. I have a very short attention span.
14. I can't believe that I've gotten into Facebook the way I have.

I think that is it for now. I really need to be a little more active on this blog but it's hard when I don't think about it too much.

And now for something completely different-

Droppin' Some Verbal Knowledge

Here are a few of my favourite phrases that I've picked up over the years. First the word/phrase, then the definition and then an example.

A Grip:
Definition- a long passage of time, usually at least since last Spring Break
Example- Dang...how've you been? It's been a grip since I last saw you!

Fixin'ta:
Definition- making preparations
Example- Q. What are y'all doin'? A. We're finxin'ta go to the mall.
[note: "fixing to" or "fixin' to" are not aceptable]

Geekin'
Definition- to act awkward or nerdy
Example- I really wanted to make a good impression on that chick, but then I just started geekin'. I probably blew it.

Howdja-
Definition- to inquire into a course of action
Example- I've been trying to get that lid off all day; howdja manage to get it off?

Flip-flopper
Definition- someone who is prone to change their mind alot
Example- Down at the slam dunk contest they had some real flip-floppers

Rule of thumb
Definition- a general measure of advice or operation
Example- I can get mean, but as a general rule of thumb they shouldn't bleed for longer than 15 minutes