I feel the burn....in my eyes

Unfortunately these days I have become accustomed to the burning sensation that I usually feel in my eyes. Part of it comes from staring at a computer screen all day. The other part of it comes from wearing contacts for long periods of time and being up later every night than I should.

Today's economy is sucking me dry. 

It is unfortunate that my main job doesn't seem to cover all of the expenses that are in my life...and I like to think that we live pretty modestly. The only debts that we have are a mortgage and a van payment. In order to make up what is lacking I have not yet resorted to selling internal organs, but I do feel like in some ways I have sold my soul. 

I'm tired. I work 40 hours a week with my main job. The nights that I am able to come home at a reasonable time I try to be a good dad and husband. Other nights I can be gone late either working on computers or painting. Or I could bring the computers to my house, like last night, and be up till 2AM working on them. And the weekends can also be filled with work if it is there...and sometimes even when it is, the money can still be tight. 

I was just thinking the other day about all the people in the world out there that know what it is like to come home from work, kick their shoes off and just relax or do what they enjoy doing. I don't know how much debt they might have, but they aren't busting their humps working more than one job. 

If I didn't have the economic pressures that I have currently here's how I would spend my free time:

Weeknights- I would come home from work and have dinner with the family. After dinner I would either help my kids with their school work or play with them, read to them or whatever they wanted to do. After they went to bed I would help my wife with whatever chores around the house needed done so that we'd be finished with everything in time to maybe occasionally watch a movie, TV show, or read a book. Then I'd aim to be in bed by 11PM every night.

Weekends- I would get up and have breakfast, watch the news, and solidify plans for the day. When the dew had evaporated I would mow the lawn. I'd then take care of whatever household chores/projects needed to be done and then have the rest of the day to do whatever with whoever. 

I would really like the idea of going to bed earlier so that I could get up earlier. For me there is a great sense of "completeness" that goes with being able to have a long and fulfilling day of achievement of goals. It might help with my ongoing depression. 

I remember one of my favourite "cycles" of my life. It was a pretty short one but it was the best: We were on a vacation in Washington. It was in July and the sun would set around 9:45PM. Once it got dark where we were [on top of a mountain] it was dark. No street lights, only the moon and stars. I was usually in bed and asleep by 10:30. The sun would then rise, and I would rise with it, around 6AM. It was such a refreshing cycle.

My problem with all of that though is that by nature I tend to be a night owl. If the conditions are right, sometimes I could easily find myself up and busy until 4:30AM after getting up the previous morning as early as 7:30.  I've had to adapt though. I just can't do that very often anymore. Although, occasionally when I'm under a deadline for something I may go for several days on only 3 or 4 hours of sleep each night, and sometimes throw in an all nighter. 

Things might appear to be easier for us if my wife worked....but that also would then add another set of complications that we don't currently have. That would mean we'd also have to find childcare. Our daughter is Kindergarten age but we have chosen to homeschool our kids to keep them out of the ever shallowing mires of the public education system. Sure, we'd have my wife working, but then probably 3/4 of her paycheck would go toward paying someone else to raise our kids most of the time. Why? 

I would really like to see a return to a local economy system. All too often small town economies are overthrown by the big cities that attract more people to work there. The higher wages from the big cities then drive up the cost of everything else that comes in contact with it. Real estate goes up because incomes are higher and people can better "afford" the new cost structure. Increases in wages lends to an increase in money circulation which then also further inflates the cost of living. There's really no way for the middle class to ever get ahead of the cycle.

We're working on it though. From here on out we're committed to pouring almost every extra cent into paying off the debts and simplifying our lives so that one day I can come home from work and just sit down and watch TV if that's what I desire to do.

In the meantime.....I just wish I had time to take a nap once in a while.