The Raging Paradoxidation

Post Holly

2010-12-28T09:03:00.002-06:00

It is now February 5th and I notice that I haven't blogged on here for a while. This is the point where I wont mention how I really should bang out my thoughts more often than I do....although I just did.

I have thunk many thoughts since my last post.

What if I just said "I am?"

I fear that someone would accuse me of trying to be blasphemous, but that is far from my intent.

I am come to find that I am all and nothing.

I am a very smart fool. / I am a very foolish intellectual.

I am a very particular slob. / I am a very sloppy perfectionist.

I am a very spiritual naturalist. / I am very naturalistic in my spirituality.

I used to say "I am a Christian" and nothing else. Recently I was asked what my religious affiliation was and all I could do was look at the lady and say "yyyyeeeeesssssss.?!.?" It turned out that although we were not exactly on the same page that we were at least in what seemed like the same chapter of the same book. [as a side note, the answer "yes" really has much more to it than that; I find pieces of many of the major pillars to be agreeable to me, but right now they would mainly be anything between Taoism, Zen Buddhism, Vedanta and the religion that Jesus probably adhered to....see below for more of that one]

When I titled this blog, I did not actually enter anything into the text area for the actual "blog" like I am now. Rather I titled it, got distracted/confused/frustrated/finger-tied and then just let it sit. So now today, about a month later I come back to it....not totally sure what my motivation for it is.

Christmas had just passed when I titled this. I guess I probably started out with the intention of doing some kind of post-holiday summary but I don't think I'll do that now. I think I'll do something else.

I did reflect at Christmas on the man Jesus. It is hard to miss him amidst all the fanfare and hoopla. I reflected on his words [or at least what we believe were his words] and what was actually there verses what we are typically told from the pulpits that he said.

Poor Jesus.

I often feel like he was misunderstood as so many revolutionaries and gurus are.

As I see it, he never claimed to be a or the messiah or saviour. I would even argue against the traditionalist that he neither ever claimed to be God. I do, however, believe that in much of what he said that he did at least presume to speak on behalf of God; and from what I have spent over the last several months learning about the other various religions of the East...he very well could have been speaking on behalf of God....but was misunderstood as a result of it; just like we would probably do the same today.

I do not believe the fancies that Christianity imported into the Jesus stories- his virgin birth, his unique messiahship, his post-humus resurrection.....although, oddly I am beginning to be OK with believing the possibility that he may have actually done miracles. Bottom line is that I don't believe that he was all that he has been built up to be.

A very intriguing lecture that I have listened to on multiple occasions is from the Myth and Religion series by Alan W. Watts. The lecture is called "Jesus and His Religion." The audio has been broken up into 9 or 10 minute bite-sized portions on YouTube but they can all be found at http://www.myspace.com/science_prodigy/blog/472205675

It is a very distinguishing question- A religion about Jesus - Or the religion of Jesus?

The short story here is that, for me, this question and its answer really throw out the importance of celebrating Christmas.

So then, once you get the message of the first lecture you might wait a while and then take a bite of the 2nd course which is even harder to swallow at first but really brings the functionality of the universe into perspective.

The 2nd course is another lecture that he gave called "The Karma of Christianity." This can also be found at http://vimeo.com/15292358

I think that is enough for this post, but I am curious as to whether any of my readers would be interested in seeing some of my thoughts along these lines in a more formal format such as a paperback book? I'm not trying to be self-serving; I'm just curious.

Extension of Actions

2010-11-19T15:40:00.002-06:00

Karma does not mean that if you are living a good life that good things will happen to you. It does not mean that if you are living a bad life that bad things are going to happen to you. Karma simply means "doing." So if an Easterner says "it is my Karma" it just means that their doing is with them, whatever it is.

This does not mean that Karma does not have both positive and negative results.

The actions, or Karma, that one lives by certainly do extend into the Karma of others.

Be mindful of this.

The Value of Silence

2010-10-18T08:45:00.002-06:00

I did a quick "Google" on this phrase this morning and I found an article by Rabbi Boruch Leff that is kind of a devotional that he came up with while reading a book called Tuesdays with Morrie.

As one who practices meditation prescriptively I found this Jewish perspective particularly appealing. The question being asked is "Why are we embarrassed by silence? What comfort do we find in all the noise?"

The question got me thinking. Noise lets us ignore our most difficult struggle and our most precious possession: our true and profound selves. Very often, it is painful to face one's true inner core. It is hard to be absolutely honest with oneself. Shakespeare writes in Hamlet, "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day," but we often fail in this regard. We fool ourselves, and the noise and distractions of life help us in this effort. Constant external stimuli and occurrences allow us to avoid dealing with our inner being.

When we're alone in the car, do we immediately reach for the radio? Is it any wonder that talk radio is such a booming international business? We are so afraid of silence, so fearful of the opportunity to be with ourselves and penetrate our inner world.

"The vehicle for wisdom is silence" (Ethics of the Fathers, 3:13), as King Solomon tells us, "Closing one's lips makes a person wise" (Proverbs 10:19)

Genuine spiritual heights can only be attained through introspection which only comes by dint of the medium of silence.

Thus Rabbi Shimon Ben Gamliel says, "All my days I grew up among the wise men, and I have found nothing greater (for the body) than silence" (Ethics of the Fathers 1:17).

How is silence good for the body? Why not say that silence is good for the soul or for a person in general?

The Maharal, a 16th century mystical commentator, explains that man is comprised of body and soul (Guf and Neshama), the physical element and the spiritual. Everything man does has its basis in one of these two dimensions. When one dimension is active, the other is passive. Maharal explains that speech derives from the physical facet of man. When we speak, our physical aspect is controlling us. Silence allows our spiritual dimension to regain control. Since the spiritual mode of man is silence, quiet allows the spiritual to lead the physical, while speaking gives the physical the leading role. The best thing for the body is when it is guided by the soul. Thus, there is nothing better for the body than silence.

Why is speech derived from the physical facet of man? How is silence the mode for the soul? Silence allows us to remove all of the external and physical distractions in our lives and lets us focus upon the essence of our being, the soul.

Though I would go a step further and suggest that our soul, or essence, is really not just isolated to us, but rather connected to the greater interconnectivity of all other things; the value of silence still remains.

Quotation taken from http://www.aish.com/sp/ph/48931747.html

Words

2010-10-18T08:34:00.002-06:00

As a writer I have come to find that one can having three different approaches to writing:

Write what you know
Write what you try to know by entering into another perspective
Make up what you write

In doing each of these there are three more approaches:

Be brutally honest
Be partially honest
Lie

In all of these one ends up with their readers having three possible differing reactions:

Being able to totally relate to what is written
Being able to take things in with a grain of salt
Being offended or hurt by what is written

In some ways, I hate being a writer.

Human Corruption

2010-09-21T10:02:00.003-06:00

Genesis 6 in the Bible starts out talking about "Nephilim" in the land that had sexual relationships with the daughters of Israel. Scholars are not in agreement as to what exactly these "Nephilim" are. Simply translated it is alleged to mean "sons of God."

Sons of God has been interpreted to mean a few different things: fallen angels, giants or another type of man.

For the sake of saving space here on my blog, I have decided to leave a lot of the extra explanation of the Nephilim to others who have already done so, as to keep me from just rewriting what has already been written.

Familiar Update

2010-04-28T14:04:00.001-06:00

My dad and I are talking again.

I know that we both have things to work on through this but it is better than what we had.

Sometimes things do get worse before they get better.

Bible Examples of Tao- The Strife of Cain (Genesis 4)

2010-03-26T15:31:00.003-06:00

The act of sacrifice that is first mentioned in the Bible is a mysterious one. The written presentation does not account any commandments from the divine concerning the practice. In any event, we find both Cain and Abel offering a sacrifice to God.

Cain offers fruits and grains, Abel offers meats from animals.

God accepts Abel's offering and rejects Cain's.

Cain becomes angry with God and then questions as to why his offering was not pleasing to him. God responds with:

"Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it."

One day the two brothers were in the field talking. Something happened that made Cain angry enough to kill Abel. For the sake of discussion I will work from the traditional presupposition that the two were fighting about why Cain's offering was not acceptable. Whatever was said was upsetting to Cain and sin was apparently crouching at the door.

When God comes back around he asks where Abel is and Cain responds by saying "Am I my brother's keeper?" [or we might say today "how should I know? Today wasn't my day to babysit him] But in the story God knows exactly what has happened and the response is interesting.

"What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to me from the ground. And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mough to receive your brother's blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth."

From the perspective of the Tao this could be put simply as:

"What have you done? Your action has caused a disturbance in the force [for the Star Wars fans] that will now echo into the very ground on which you work. Your working against this force, or the Tao, has caused you to now be at strife with everything."

Cain was then in the place of being half-sorry. His biggest fear was now death but God promised not to let anyone kill him. That would be a further disturbance to the balance of life.

Now, the parallels are not word for word, line by line, but there is enough there to see a principle. If actions do not have re-actions, they still at least have consequences...and there is no speaking here of atonement.

Cain in Hebrew means producer; Abel means breath.

Incidentally Cain, according to tradition, had to work at what he offered to make it grow. He created his own garden rather than just randomly picking from the wild growth. Abel didn't have to work at his offering. He took from the lesser species which was already prepared of itself.

The possible moral of this story is that the Tao is of itself. The Tao does not need direction. The Tao, in simple yet insufficient words, is the Force that gently guides but does not lord over anything. The principle means of living in harmony with the Tao is to live in a state of "non-action" or just naturally. When hungry, eat. When tired, sleep.

Just as Cain killed Abel, forced production of something in life takes away the breath.....or more accurately, it suffocates life.

Just as God promised that anyone who would try to kill Cain would suffer seven times as much, the same is true when we try and purposely become passive. It is impossible to force passivity. The more we would try and force gentelness the more abrasive it becomes.

Jesus illustrated this when he said "he who seeks to save his life shall lose it; but he who loses his life shall find it."

Let go. The earth is going hoarse.

Bible Examples of Zen- Good & Evil/Original Sin? (Genesis 3)

2010-03-23T21:23:00.007-06:00

I am not very good at keeping up this blog, but a friend of mine emailed me tonight about my last post and it kind of gave me a kick in the seat of the pants about putting this next entry out here since I've been thinking about it for a few months now.

The Knowledge of Good & Evil

Sounds pretty safe, huh?

Sounds like it might simplify a lot of things in life; like it might give a clearer cut definition of the way things should or should not be.

Many of us know the story of the Fall of Man where Adam and Eve are in the Garden of Eden and God tells them "of all the trees that are in the garden you can freely eat; save for the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil." Many of us also usually just hone in on the part where even though God said not to eat.....they did it anyways.....and then assume that is the point of the story that initiates man's separation from God.

My take on this story is going to be from a naturalist perspective in that I don't believe that there were ever any talking snakes that tempted anyone. I am also firmly convinced that the majority of early Jewish and Christian [Gnostic & Mystic] readers of the story agreed. The "snake" [who actually starts out as being referred to as the "beast"] is just there for interpretive purposes.

So which is the bigger deal; that mankind ate from the tree? Or the kind of tree from which they ate? I think that God answers the question in the story.

Then the LORD God said, "Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—" therefore the LORD God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. [Genesis 3: 22,23 emphasis mine]

To know good and evil, according to God here, was to become like God....which has long since been forbidden. And now, since their eyes had been opened to the negative enlightenment, God didn't want them to stay in that state forever by then also eating from the Tree of Life so he kicked them out of the garden before they had a chance to put their hand to it.

There is a story in the Gospels where the rich young ruler approaches Jesus and asks him "Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" To which Jesus replies and asks "Why do you call me good?" Most would say that Jesus is just being modest, but I believe that it was a challenge to one's own notion of Good and Evil.

The point is that the fruit that brings the knowledge of Good and of Evil is the fruit that leads to the road of death....or in terms of Zen or enlightenment it is our own identification or labeling of things according to our certain perceptions of good and evil that do us the most harm in experiencing the bliss that comes from sometimes either just not knowing or just not worrying about it.

Taoism offers the notion of P'u: [from Wikipedia]

P'u (simplified Chinese: 朴; traditional Chinese: 樸; pinyin: pǔ, pú; Wade-Giles: p'u; lit. "uncut
wood") is translated "uncarved block", "unhewn log", or "simplicity". It is a
metaphor for the state of wu wei (meaning: without action) and the principle of
jian (儉).[29]
It represents a passive state of receptiveness. P'u is a symbol for a state of
pure potential and perception without prejudice. In this state, Taoists believe
everything is seen as it is, without preconceptions or illusion.[30]

P'u is usually seen as keeping oneself in the primordial state of
tao.[31]
It is believed to be the true nature of the mind, unburdened by knowledge or
experiences.[32]
In the state of p'u, there is no right or wrong, beautiful or ugly. There is
only pure experience, or awareness, free from learned
labels and definitions. It is this state of being that is the goal of following
wu wei.

This can be seen in not only Taoism but also Buddhism and Jainism.

This does not extend itself to say that society as a whole should throw out this notion, as the society would crumble. Life would be less significant if murderers walked the streets without being stopped. The economy would collapse at the action of continuous thievery. Law must still be law, by principle, to keep the peace.....but on a personal level it is imperative for simplicity to drop the self-held dogma of the nutrients from the forbidden fruit.

The results of this cursed tree?

Emnity between the offspring of the woman and the serpent: a constant competition between differing minds which are both striving for superiority.

Pain in childbearing: the struggle in producing offspring that will hold our exact morals and ideals that possibly hold us captive

The husband shall rule over the wife: whenever desire overcomes a partnership, the partner will win out because the desire makes one weak. Buddhists call this "attachment."

Work turns into punishment: because judgements and values are placed on activities, seldom will one find himself "happy" in whatever they are doing....unable to recognize that in order for our world and societies to continue in motion, all vocations are necessary and play vital roles. Without these judgements and values work could become play.

God kicked them out of the garden so that they wouldn't eat from the Tree of Life and stay stuck forever in their state of misery. I see that as an act of mercy. The tree of life is only for those who experience an enlightenment.....

That enlightenment is often as simple as seeing that knowing good from evil doesn't keep one from doing evil or being good....it just stops things from being what they are in the natural process of things.

A practical example of this comes from the classic tale of the Taoist farmer that goes a little bit like this:

A farmer had a horse that ran away. When the neighbor caught wind of it he
came around and said to the farmer "what a terrible thing to have happen!"
The farmer replied by just saying "maybe."

About a week later the horse returned home and brought another one with it
that it had found out on its journey. When the neighbor heard about it he came
back around to congratulate the farmer. "Wow, not only has your horse returned
but you now have TWO horses. What great fortune you have!"
The farmer replied by just saying "maybe."

One day the farmer's son was tending to the horses. While he was brushing
the new one it kicked him and in his fall he broke his leg. When the neighbor
heard about this he came around and said "oh, how awful that your new horse has
broken your son's leg!"
The farmer replied by just saying "maybe."

The next day the area's military recruiters had come around to the farmer's
house. When the farmer said that he had a son they immediately wanted to sign
him up for service. When the son came out and they saw his broken leg in a
splint they immediately turned him away as a useless cripple. A week later all
of the other boys that had been enlisted from the town were all killed in
service when they became the victims of a surprise attack by the enemy.

When the neighbor heard about this he again praised the farmer's good
fortune by saying "you are indeed blessed that your son was not also killed in
the war."
The farmer again just simply replied by saying "maybe."

The horse running away seemed to be a bad thing....but it brought back another.

Now having TWO horses seemed to be a good thing.....but then the new horse hurt the farmers son.

The farmer's son's injury seemed to be a bad thing....but it ended up saving his life.

Since it is impossible to predict such outcomes it is also then silly to try and make judgement calls about the things and events in life.

Admittedly though, this enlightenment can also only be experienced and not explained.

The feeling of a death

2010-02-15T12:39:00.002-06:00

Anyone who has gone back and read the archives of my blog from last year will remember me writing about the divorce of my parents. Divorce sucks.

Over the last year I have watched in curious anticipation of what kind of relationship I might have with my dad. When he was a teen his dad left his family to go be with another which left him fatherless.

Over the last year or so I have had sporadic interaction with my dad and have seen him a few times but I can't say that it was really very deep or meaningful. His life has seemingly moved on and is happening with another family.

He and I have emailed back and forth with each other since November. Some of the emails were frustrating, some were sad, some contained misunderstandings and some were just empty. I was hoping in all of it that I might gain some sense of direction as to where he might take things.

The biggest feeling that I was getting was that he was just too busy with his new family to really make time for me and mine. He works a lot and it also sounds like he also does most of the work in his new home. Between this and the time that he spends with my Grandmother, who has been in and out of the hospital and care facilities since early October, it sounded like he didn't really have much time for anything.

I had been preparing myself to let go of any hopes for a continuing relationship with him. He was getting angry and frustrated that my family was not yet interested in meeting his girlfriend or her family. He was right that we didn't want to meet them yet; the reason being that we felt like we had been abandoned for them and so we didn't feel that it was merited for us to just open ourselves to his new life when he just walked out of ours.

Last week I wanted to get together with him to talk about some of the things that we had been feeling about the situation. We had talked about it before but he didn't really do anything about it. He became increasingly frustrated that we didn't want to accept his other family yet so he backed away from us more. He's been under this assumption that we are just mad at him because of the divorce itself. I wanted to talk and clear this up with him and try to figure out a way for both of us to have our needs met in the relationship.

Last Friday he sent me an email that made it very clear, going forward, where his loyalty and attention was. He proclaimed very boldly that "it wasn't that he didn't want to get together with me, but he just didn't know when he'd have time....." all because of how it would impact his time with his new family.

I then told him that we didn't need to get together anymore to talk about things. I told him that his unwillingness to make time for the family that he has always had [me] in lieu of his new family, make it pretty clear how he ultimately felt about me and my family; so I responded back telling him that since it was clear now what his intentions were that I was no longer going to pursue anything with him. I told him that if/when the day comes that he is ready to show me and my family that we actually mean something to him that we would be there waiting...but in the meantime we had to move on.

This weekend I was watching Revenge Of The Sith with my children and Master Yoda said something that resonated with me. It was reminiscent of Buddhism thought as well:

Yoda: Premonitions, premonitions. These visions you have....
Anakin: They are of pain, suffering. Death
Yoda: Yourself you speak of, or someone you know?
Anakin: Someone
Yoda: Close to you?
Anakin: Yes
Yoda: Careful you must be when sensing the future Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.
Anakin: I won't let these visions come true, Master Yoda
Yoda: Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is.
Anakin: What must I do, Master Yoda?
Yoda: Train yourself to let go...of everything you fear to lose.

I wasn't afraid of losing my dad. I almost expected it to happen.

I did think, though, that when it did happen that there might be some sense of relief about it...to be able to finally let go and move on. I did let go...but as of yet, there hasn't been any more of the relief I expected....it just feels more like a kind of death in the family.

Spinning an old yarn?

2010-02-04T11:22:00.002-06:00

?

2010-01-20T15:24:00.002-06:00

Hang on, Grandma

Bible Examples of Zen - Creation (Genesis 1)

2010-01-20T13:08:00.004-06:00

Zen is very difficult to explain. Many masters would say that it is impossible.

I found a good read about it over ----> here.

I am glad that the page also touches on the Tao a bit too because that is kind of where this little series is leading. I have no idea how many posts I will make on the subject but I guess I could just keep going until I run out of things to talk about.

I used to think that if one looked hard and far enough, or just simply "had eyes to see" that everything in the universe circled back to showing the ineffability of Christianity. Then the more I thought and observed as much of what I could that was going on I started to have more and more disconnects; at least with the particular frame of mind that I was using. The base of Christianity is the absolute belief in a real "tangible" god who can be explained and interacted with on that basis of understanding.

Much of traditional Western Buddhism is atheistic, in that it is a philosophical system that exists without god(s). It doesn't do so to the outright exclusion of god or in the sense of denial of a god or gods, but it just doesn't usually include divinity as part of the current landscape. It is more attentive to what is earthly and in the here and now.

Taoism seems to be a middle road between the two. There is a belief that the Tao is "god" but not in the traditional sense. The Tao is living and active as a general force that is transcendent over all things...but it is not personal, nor can it be explained. It can mystically be interacted with and experienced but it ultimately cannot be explained sufficiently.

With those ideas in mind, I was driving one day and thinking about the original "creation" and "fall" story from the Bible and these are some of the parallels that I drew between Zen-Tao and the Hebrew stories themselves. This one is on the creation account from Genesis 1.

The Creation story is all about contrasts.

Light and Darkness were separated but one would not be there without knowledge of the other since Light is the absence of Darkness, and Darkness is the absence of Light.

The "waters" were separated. Now, I don't know exactly that that might mean to the Hebrew mindset but what I do see is the contrast of Above and Below. An expanse separated the waters creating a dividing space between the two. We do not know Down without the relationship to Up and vice-versa.

Land and Water are separated. This is another contrast between two different states. Wet would imply the absence of land. Dry land would imply the absence of wet water. Another contrast that cannot be understood without both sides.

Each of these shows contrast and co-existence in order for validation of definition. We use these definitions all the time to separate classes of things....the problem is that we have classed the contrasts into "opposites." Even our own ideas of contrasting "what is" and "what is not" can too easily be defined as opposites....things that even stand opposing the other. We usually see opposition as a bad thing. Not always so.

The rest of the first chapter is all about places for things; birds in the air, creatures in the sea, beasts on the land, and man.

There is nothing by way of definition here concerning food chain. All of this just simply is. There is no force, no definition, no struggle. In a sense this is Zen. If this picture were to be painted it would depict a very peaceful co-existence between all of the animals and man and if any of these components from the story were missing then the picture would be incomplete.

Everything in this picture looks automatic. There is a design and something animating all things. This might be the Tao or a picture of it, but it is also Zen in that all things are one and co-dependent.

Bye for now.

A Current Page In The Spiritual Journal

2009-12-27T08:26:00.004-06:00

I find that I struggle with blogging. Most of the time it feels as though my entries are contrived and brimming with intellectual contempt. I always have good intentions but the deliveries seem to always be forced and lacking; perhaps that is because such is the deeper spiritual life. I am finding that many of my core beliefs these days are much more existential than communicable, but I'll give it a shot here.

There is a school of theology called Apophatic theology. The function of this study is to speak in negative terms about what "God" is not. Most of the the western world centers on a Kataphatic approach to this which means that "God" is defined in certain terms of what is. In other words, most people are accustomed to defining God and life in terms of God being loving or life being difficult....God being all powerful or life being joyful.....

Apophatic approaches would look at things more in terms of what they are not.....rather than being inductive it is deductive. Rather than defining things by the obviousness of what is, there is more of an emphasis of what is not and the rest of the unknown is left for contemplative speculation.

I primarily use these terms because of a recent conversation with a friend of mine who is a self claimed Apophatic Mystic Christian. This does make for very fascinating discussion because the Apophatic method does seem a lot more fulfilling to the intellectual than the Kataphatic. Both approaches have their share of interesting nuances but the main difference is the approach; like varying types of art- a painter adds strokes and colours to create a picture while someone who works in stone to create a statue actually chisels away what is not needed. This is very akin to the differences between inductive and deductive logic.

Most people would tend to fall on either one side of the logic or the other. I find that where I am seems to be a mixture of the two. There are certain things about the "spiritual" realm that I find are easier to induce based on what is seen and other things that I end up deducing because of what is not seen. Most of either approach is based on naturalistic observation but I also still like to leave myself open to the unknown. However, being "open" doesn't necessarily mean that I'll seriously entertain just anything.

I am apophatic spiritually.

What I mean by that is that I am not the following- Hindu, Muslim, Jewish, Christian, Rastafarian, Zoroastrian, Buddhist, Satanic, Wiccan...etc.

I am not exclusively any of these for specific reasons pertaining to each of them....and yet in a way I am all of them in limited ways. Probably not, but again, this is a hard point to make.

I am coming to a state of understanding that perhaps religion isn't something that a person must find. I am starting to think that religion is something that may or may not find a person. Someone doesn't necessarily become a Jew or Christian....but rather maybe Judaism or Christianity becomes a person; that is to say that through experience, logic, a transcendent experience, doubt....a person takes a particular shape toward a certain way of thinking and then at a moment in time they may find that there is a religion to match.

I am sure that many, if not most, people would probably argue with this and that is fine. This is just how I see things right now.

Lately I am finding that the Eastern Traditions are becoming me, namely that of Zen Buddhism. Now, that is not to say that I am a Buddhist, but rather to say that it seems to be the philosophy that most closely fits the frame of thinking that I have developed on my own.

So what does this have to do with a talk with an old friend? The mentioning of the Apophatic approach seemed to have a timing like no other as I journeyed into the acquaintance with Buddhism and found very many similarities between the eastern traditions and the classical mysticism that was held to by many of the early Christian Church fathers that has been sadly lost in the western world.

An apophatic theologian does not define God in terms of what he/she/it is. The short description of the result is that of a mystical detached sense of wonder and awe. I find myself in a similar boat, except the Christian would turn that wonder and awe into worship and I just file it away somewhere else to just be thought about once in a while.

I suspect that "God" is so big of a ________ that mere human words, regardless of the complexity, are a naughty means of explanation of the divine. I know from my own previous experience that I once thought that I had a grasp of God simply because I could explain theories and attributes away...almost like I was His creator. I, like most other westerners, ultimately started to assume that one "experienced" God in direct correlation to the depth at which they could talk about Him. Eventually I realized that they were only words that had no certainty outside of empty dogma.

I recently stumbled across this quote from a hero of mine, Alan Watts-

...In other words, a person who is a fanatic in matters of religion, and clings to certain ideas about God and the nature of the universe, becomes a person who has no faith at all.

The trap is the dogma, as I both do and don't have faith in my own system. Well, I guess ultimately there is nothing that really merits "faith." It is more a matter of whether or not my "reality" is real or just an illusion...but I don't know that anyone will ever know.

I am now starting to see all things as ONE. There is no ONE thing that is separate from everything else in our universe. "Good" is only a concept that we have that is relative to our definition of "evil." That will come as quite a shock to most people in a "civilized" society because of the immediate assumptions and implications that they will jump to....but just to think about it in terms of what happens in nature:

We don't call a spider evil because it catches flies in its web. We don't call a snake evil because it eats spiders.

We do, however, call a snake good because it eats spiders....but only in the sense as it is relative to us. The act of a thing eating spiders is good for the person who doesn't like spiders...but what about the snake? Is the snake still good if they don't like snakes either? Or is the snake evil for eating spiders to someone who enjoys spiders? We seldom think about these deeper implications. It is easier for most people to define the boundaries of acceptable things in their mind and then base the concept of evil on the opposite.

That might be all and well for most if they like limitation....but one really needs the other to survive.

The spider needs files and other bugs.
The snake needs spiders
The birds need snakes
The wild cats need birds
The jackyls need wild cats
The vultures need jackyls

This is just a brief and simple example of how everything is truly connected to everything else, but it is often we who separate things out into different classes in which they do not belong.

For me, right now, this current stage of enlightenment is unveiling that it is probably dualism that is the greatest of all "sins." It has many different manifestations; religiously, psychologically, sociologically, etc. Dualism leads to dangerous dichotamies for people. It makes people unhappy on their job, it makes a husband unhappy with his wife or children...it could also lead one to suicide.

We like the scenarios of either/or....but I am now seeing that you can't have one without the other, ultimately.

Whether "God" exists and is what we think it is or not....I don't know. What I do know is that what can be seen, inducted or deducted, seems to point to all things being perfectly in harmony at all times with all other things in such a way that perhaps "God" has no need for appearance...

Or maybe part of the puzzle is that God's presence is actually his absense that is manifest in seeking him out; like the way Hindus explain this idea of God playing hide and seek with himself through people and things.

In any event many modern movies capture these ideas pretty well. One movie that comes to mind is The Matrix.

Neo doesn't think he's the one because of what the Oracle tells him, but Trinity reassures him that she only told him what he needed to hear. This can be like the so many times in our lives when differing versions of reality manifest even though it is all the same thing.

Neo finally bends the spoon when he realizes that there is no spoon and that he has to bend himself instead. This can be like calling something a problem or an opportunity when in reality it is just part of the path.

Neo has many "memories" of doing things in the past only to come to find out that those were only part of the Matrix. This resembles all of the different sources that we have telling us what to think, feel, buy and sell. Our ideas are often not our ideas but rather just impressions that others have made on us....even my writing this right now may be an example of that.

Neo gets shot and thinks that he's dead before he comes back to life. Often we may not be open to an enlightening moment until we are at our wit's end and have a moment of mental death. Too much worry weighs down and too much apathy makes us slothful; it is more the surprise of the moment that brings an awakening. Taking off the glasses for a blink and an eye rub can be the moment where two become one.

Although a dumb movie doesn't do the non-verbal justice it is at least a faint way of using the tangible to explain the intangible. And there is still a lot more to develop here, but this makes for a good start.

I have not become a Zen Buddhist, but I have certainly found the Zen philosophy very becoming of me.

Mr. Brightside

2009-12-22T19:01:00.001-06:00

I love this cover...

I sit

2009-12-22T18:26:00.003-06:00

Right now I sit....kind of working......but not, as I wait for a computer to finish updating so that I can then hit the road for my 2 hour trek back to the office to be followed by another 1/2 hour of unpacking and then off to my mother's house for the remainder of the week through the weekend with the rest of my family; we're gonna be snowed in, but not like my buddy Mr. Sanderson out in Salt Lake City who might be buried under 2 feet of the white stuff.

None of these are complaints, mind you. I absolutely love my job as it gives me fulfillment in 3 major areas- 1. I get to maintain my technical mind as I troubleshoot issues and design solutions 2. I get to interact with all types of people whom I believe in what they are doing and 3. I get to travel and do A LOT of driving which fulfills my desire for adventure on the open road.

Between yesterday and today I will have driven a total of around 650 miles for work. I am greatly enjoying the open road and a loaded iPod.

So we are fixin' to get a lot of snow and ice here in the next day or so...makes me wonder if I will be able to even get to work tomorrow or Thursday...I don't care what people say it's Friday I'm in love....oh, sorry not that song.

Last night I did stop in Omaha on my way home and had a nice chat with an old college professor of mine about his journey into mystical Christian spirituality. I am on my own different mystical journey right now but it is very refreshing to know that I am not the only one who feels my struggles with various issues. I don't think there is anything wrong with mysticism as long as one understands that being a mystic automatically puts onesself into a class that will be questioned.

My family has been sick. I hope that they all get better. This is the worst time of year for it because everyone is out and about in all sorts of ways either being sick or carrying parasites with them all through the stores and hills and valleys.

Sometime when I am feeling a little more mentally rested I will do an elaborate post on my current state of enlightenment. For now I have to go check to see how that computer is doing...

No Picture

2009-12-13T20:04:00.003-06:00

I didn't care enough to see just how long it has been since my last post but I do know that it has been quite a while.

So, what has been happening with me and mine?

The 8 month old is now crawling and spending a good amount of time on his feet exploring what it is to stand. He is such a happy boy that it just makes us want to have more...but we know that every child is different so we can't be naive enough to believe that the next one will be just like the last.

The 4 year old is now also certainly developing more in his personality. He is anxious about school and actually does very well for his age. He has his own interest in getting involved, partly because he sees older sister doing it and partly because he likes his own personal challenge. He can be a challenge but more often than not, when I look into his eyes I can only imagine that I am seeing myself when I was younger. I know that visually there are enough resemblances to know for sure that we are of the same tree but there is also just as much personality to reflect it as well.

The 6 year old is getting ever so older and bigger each day. She is progressing in school. Sometimes it seems like a little bit more of a challenge with her but she eventually breaks through and climbs to a new level. Her math is coming along really well. What she may take a while to learn really sticks once it is in her mind. She is also reading at a higher level now than she was even a few months ago. She is also so very helpful with the baby. She loves to carry him around and play with him. She is a big help.

Right now as I sit here typing this little entry the older 2 kids are watching Dr. Seuss's Horton Hears A Who. I am really beginning to see that the Dr. is probably more of a genius than I ever gave credit to. I am probably not the first to acknowledge this though.

My job is coming along very swimmingly. I can finally say for the first time in a very long time that, even after almost 6 months, I love my job. I get to do a fair amount of travel which is very good for me in more ways than one. Let me count some of the ways:

I love to drive
I love to see differing terrain
I get a chance to distance myself from certain office politics
Time to think
Podcasts
Different schedules each week
Meeting a lot of different people
Working with my hands
Using my mind extensively for problem solving and future planning

I really feel fortunate that I am in a rare position to enjoy my job as much as I do. I know that most people dread going to work each day. I might have trouble getting up each morning but it is usually just because I have been up too late the night before. When I get to work and start in for the day I start to feel energized. [I know my good friend Gary Nebeker would appreciate that aspect]

Speaking of getting energized I have also gotten a formal membership at a fitness center. Anytime Fitness is now my sanctuary of physical activity. My goal is going to be to try and make it there 6 days a week, but even if I only make it 4 or 5 I will be happy.

Christmas is now breathing down our necks. I really like this holiday less and less each year.

From a religious standpoint it is not needed. A minority of Americans follow the Christian tradition of celebrating this day as Jesus' birthday. This is not a mandate that is found in their Bible; it is a cultural choice, but it is treated as though it is sacred. Perhaps it is sacred to the observer but it is only a personal sanctification of the day.

From a worldly standpoint it is silly. People decide that once a year they need to spend tons of money to arbitrarily buy things for people that they don't need. It is as much a commercial holiday than anything else, like Mother's or Father's Day. The day only has meaning because certain people give it meaning. I am thankful to have the day off work but I don't feel as though I really need it.

It snowed again today. Not much but yet another subtle reminder that the cold season is now fully here and there are no signs of it melting away any time soon.

So much for a lame post today; or did I achieve my goal?

My New Favourite Picture

2009-10-15T23:38:00.003-06:00

I don't remember where this picture came from but it is simple and telling: A Jester. The mask. A stabbing of betrayal.

This would make a wonderful tattoo on someone's forearm.

What?

2009-10-15T22:54:00.003-06:00

It is almost Friday morning. I really should have gone to bed about an hour or more ago but I am still up pounding out this blog post for my 5 readers.

I have been spending a lot of time at the hospital lately.

My grandmother was first admitted with severe back pain. After almost 14 days in the hospital she has been diagnosed with a few different things-

Septic Arthritis
Pinched nerves
Staph Infection in her blood
Pneumonia
Tumors in her back

All of this and having to deal with it and having Alzheimer's.

Most of the time she has not had any ideas as to what is going on. Some medication that was supposed to help her has only had the opposite effect on her than it was supposed to. Delusional, disoriented, tired, in pain, forgetful and feeling alone she lay in her bed waiting to finally get out of that place.

The Alzheimer's is truly the worst part of it all. Sometimes she knows what is going on and other times she can barely remember anyone's name. Tonight she could not remember what her house or dog looked like so with thanks to the hospital's WiFi signal and my iPod Touch I was able to refresh her memory...for a moment at least.

Helping someone like her through something like this is very difficult on 2 counts. The first count is memory. Every time a question is asked an answer is given; but then it is asked again a minute later and it is then answered again a minute later. It is this sick feeling of talking to someone that you know is trapped in the scratched record of their mind. At first I could very easily understand why it seemed that one of my aunts got so frustrated so easily, but then after a while there was a certain serenity that set in when it dawned on me that even if she asked me the same question 1000 times in a row I would continue to faithfully answer as though it were the first time. She can't help it.

Some of the constant nagging questions-

What happened to me?

Why does my back hurt?

How long have I been here?

When can I go home?

Is anyone going to stay here over night with me?

Why is God doing this to me?

Why is God mad at me?

Am I going to die?

I don't mind the first questions but when it comes to the questions about God I think I might need to take a bathroom break.

I just can't answer those questions in a way that is prudent to her situation. I want to try and answer them but just not to her. She needs her faith right now; but I can at least try and answer them here-

God probably isn't doing this to you. Chances are, God has better things to do than take time out of his busy schedule to torture you. Chances are he isn't paying any attention at all right now because you, like me, are just a little speck of fly poop in this vast universe.

IF God is mad at you, then chances are it is for the same reason that he is mad at the rest of the world. If I were God and paying attention, I might be upset that so many people insist on making so many assumptions about me and form such imprisoning views of me based on their organized religions.

There was so much talk from others in the room as to how God was allowing these things as a test, or that it was just Satan trying to get her in her weakness to make her think that God didn't love her....take your pick of petty answers. My stomach churned as I listened to well meaning family members grasp at answers that none of them could know for sure. Which was worse- the fact that they didn't know the answers ultimately or that she couldn't remember them anyways?

The best answer that I could give when it was just she and I was just simply that her sickness had nothing to do with God and that it was just something that happened and she didn't need to worry herself with the details. The only thing that mattered was that she was getting better.

I don't mean for this to be a rant on religion; I just can't help but recall my feelings and observations about everything to this point:

Religion may provide answers but they aren't always good ones
Religion may provide good answers but it doesn't always mean that they are true
Religion can ultimately confuse otherwise simple happenings by adding additional dimensions to stress
People are people and they need to be treated with dignity regardless of their state
Even if people get better today there is no guarantee that they won't just shut down unexpectedly tomorrow from something else- don't take anyone for granted
It takes a village to care for a grandmother with such a terrible disease
To care for someone with Alzheimer's means that you must completely give up on any future appreciation and do it strictly because you love them selflessly because you will be forgotten

Each one of here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding.- Rev. Maclean [A River Runs Through It]

Fall

2009-09-29T07:39:00.002-06:00

Fall now appears to be in full swing. Mornings are crisp and sharp. The sun takes its time to make an appearance. The insects begin to burrow in hiding and the birds begin to take flight to warmer horizons.

With the changing of the leaves and the season this is a list of things that I like best about Fall:

Sweaters
Potato Soup
Smoked Meats
Football
Combines in the fields
Hot tea
Sunsets
The manifold colours of leaves
Bonfires

Following the change in seasons is the change of needed sleeping habits. I have noticed that my need for sleep is in direct correlation to the amount of sunlight each day. While it seems that summer can be dealt with on minimal amounts, fall begins to change the cycle.

I imagine that our ancestors, pre electricity, also experienced this same thing. Daylight provided the ability to work and play while darkness was the indicator that it is now time to temporarily hibernate. Animals also seem to follow this same pattern of behaviour.

I have spent so much of my time these past few years working several jobs at once. Sleep seemed very overrated, but now as the season of my life also changes I hope to find more physical rest from work as well.

Rest. Reboot. Replenish.

I don't mean for any of this to sound like new-age spiritualism; but rather maybe it is time for a new age of returning to some of the old spirituality...the natural kind.

Awful

2009-09-25T15:18:00.002-06:00

Who would do this to themself? Really?

Awwwww

2009-09-20T07:53:00.002-06:00

A Sunday Morning Treatise

2009-09-20T06:52:00.002-06:00

OK, so this really isn't any kind of a treatise...that just sounded way more official than what will end up being this short lack-meaning post.

I had a dream this morning that I was up and going by 5am. I even dreamed that I was going to have my first blog post for the day by 5:30 am and I could imagine the bewilderment of my readers when they saw the time that it was posted and hearing them ask themselves "why does he get up so early?" Well, I guess we are all disappointed then? :-) It is 7:56am as I type this and there is nothing life shaking going on here.

Did you know that it just dawned on me last night what the phrase Shiver Me Timbers meant? It is a pirate expression for I'm shaking in my boots. I don't know why I finally just put the two together last night but I did. Perhaps it was because I had Pirate on the brain on two accounts:

1. Yesterday was supposedly International Talk Like A Pirate Day

2. Today we will be going back to the Renaissance Faire for a day of Piracy

Last night my wife made little clothespin parrots for each of us to wear on our shoulders today. My daughter will be dressed up in a very fancy dress that will hopefully still compliment the era that the faire is trying to capture today. Either way, she will look fantastic!

My oldest son will also be sporting a costume, with an actual eye patch and small sword.

This morning I had the decision to make about what I would do this morning that would be most beneficial for the outcome of my day- either wake up and go play Frisbee Golf straight away or watch an episode of House M.D. while my oatmeal and green tea settled followed by a good 45 minute workout. I am opting for House and the workout. As much as I love Frisbee Golf, the morning games are often full of wet shoes and discs from the morning dew that has not yet burned off. Plus it is starting to lighten up later and later each morning.

BTW, wifi is now found @ my mom's house. Hoorah!

The __________ in the room

2009-09-11T11:46:00.002-06:00

This picture says to me:

"Yes'm, I think I will go ahead and do whatever I please, thank you!"

A psychological explanation of why most blogs fail

2009-09-10T14:58:00.002-06:00

There are millions of blogs, like this one, out there, or personal online journals where people link to and write about things of interest to them. Their lives, their hobbies, their politics, their technology. But somewhere close to 95% of these blogs ‘fail.’ The blog never gains any substantial kind of readership (outside of a handful of individuals — friends, family), or the author loses interest in writing on a daily or semi-daily basis, or the blog loses focus, direction and eventually, readership.

But most blogs fail because keeping an ongoing tally of one’s interests, life, politics, or technology is just plain hard and often times, monotonous. It’s difficult for most people to easily write hundreds of words every day that have some greater meaning (as opposed to the, “Wow, look at that beautiful sky today,” or “The NY Times said something interesting, here’s the link to it.”). I suspect most bloggers figure this out after the first or second week of writing. Writing well takes effort and time.

-- By John M Grohol PsyD; April 7, 2005 from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2005/04/07/why-most-blogs-fail/

I think that the above sums up why I haven't blogged in a while very nicely.

Over the past few weeks I have been making some pretty serious attempts at slimming down my calendar. Some attempts have worked better than others; but mostly I find that somehow the universe has a way of seeing openings in various time slots that are now available and then it sees some kind of vaccuum that has been created by the emptiness. Such has been the course of my last few weeks.

I have officially dissolved Custom Computer Works as a whole....but I find that I am still wrapping up some jobs related to it that are still lagging behind. Some of them I will miss while others of them cannot go away soon enough.

I will try and make it a point to post more often; like once a week or so and see how it goes. I might just need to go back to the whole "random entry" format again. I like to keep things interesting without becoming too cliche.

Since we're talking about time here for a moment I will leave you with this related video for now.

Too Little Time

2009-05-21T11:17:00.003-06:00

Hello to all of my [3] readers that I have left hanging for months now without any posts. Life has been very busy handing me out items that usually consume more time than what I have.

I am not one to make excuses so I'll just cut right to the quick of what's been going on-

-Back on March 18th my wife and I welcomed the birth of our 3rd child, Murray James. He's now 2 months old and getting bigger by the day. So that ups the Whitehead clan to 5 with more to come in the future.

-Custom Computer Works is still alive and serving. Still no sign of it ever becoming anything more than just a hobby job for me but it helps us maintain a little cash flow on the side when needed.

-The wife and I are giving very serious action [whenever we get around to it] to selling our house in hopes of moving closer to the Des Moines area. For 8 years now I have been driving 2 hours each day back and forth to work and there is absolutely no logical sense for it. I had hoped to have a sign in the yard by June 1 but I don't think that the house will be ready for it....but I think I'll still put the sign up anyways and we can work on things as we have time. I'm open for later negotiations.

-I have decided that it is long overdue for me to take control of my life back from my stomach and butt. For the last 8 weeks I have been working more aggressively at getting back in to the shape that I am supposed to be in. I am taking the following actions:

I am only eating 1/2 as much as I used to
The food that I do eat is different from what I used to eat; no white bread or noodles made from white flour, more veggies, less sweets
I bought some running shoes....and I'm actually using them for running
I have gotten the mountain bike back out for some off-road trail riding
I hung the punching back back up
I dusted off the Total Gym and put it out in the garage where it could aways be ready for use
I try to play outside with the kids more often

What I would love to find time to do:

Finish writing some of my "dangling" songs that I've left alone for years
Record those songs once they are finished
Finish writing my book The Unauthorized and Incomplete High School Rememboirs of Rage Perry
Take a trip to Scotland.....which will one day happen!

That is all for now. I need to go refinance my auto loan on my van. The banking institution that I work for has horrible rates so I need to go do this with another fine establishment.

What Size Does That Come In?

2009-03-16T19:43:00.002-06:00

This is just a little ranty peeve of mine-

Tonight I called Godfather's to order a pizza. I forgot that they only had two sizes, personal pan and large. That is not so much of a problem for me because the alternate to the personal pan, being the large, is pretty large in comparison. So in this case it would seem to make sense to have a small and a large. Enough said.

But there is another place that I know of that is a burger joint that does not offer small, medium, and large. They only offer medium and large. My question is this- if you don't offer a small size then why offer a size called medium? It isn't a middle size to anything. Medium is a class that designates a middle point between two other sizes. If you don't have a small then it would only make sense to just possibly call the medium a regular at best.

Maybe I am just too fickle.

Enjoy this clip

March Mad-ness a.k.a. Have you seen me lately?

2009-03-01T21:11:00.004-06:00

It has now been about a month and a half since I've made an etching in this, my tablet of Internet presence. Now, lest you take pity on me I do realize that I am but a speck. Only a fly turd in the vast dirt that makes up the rest of the soil of the soul of life outside my head.

Life has just been all over the place for me lately.

Work has been very busy for me lately, as in my main job- but by now you should know my mantra about blogging about that; I DON"T DO IT....So I just leave it at that.
My children are getting bigger before my eyes. My son will be 4 this summer and my daughter will be 6.
My wife is getting bigger by the day and we are growing anxious for the timer to ding, letting us know that our current little belly bun is ready.
I continue to learn more about life from many different dimensions.

Now for some random thoughts that you may or may not care to know-

Sometimes I am concerned with the amount that I eat...sometimes too much, sometimes not enough
I've been getting headaches more often lately that requires trips to my chiropractor
I sometimes feel like a conservative with liberal tendencies...but I'm still very conservative
I went to my first marriage conference this weekend with my wife that I actually kind of enjoyed.
The more I think, experience and ponder I find spirituality in general to have so many dimensions that it is confusing and tiring.
I like watching Celebrity Apprentice solely to watch people who think that they are big slowly get squashed.
I hope to actually get some enjoyment out of this coming spring and summer.
Even though the rest of the country is in a recession, I do not feel that my family is too greatly affected by it right now.
I need to go to bed earlier in the evenings.
I need to get up earlier in the mornings.
I wish I were any Oscan Meier weiner.
I have very high stress.
I have a very short attention span.
I can't believe that I've gotten into Facebook the way I have.

I think that is it for now. I really need to be a little more active on this blog but it's hard when I don't think about it too much.

And now for something completely different-

Droppin' Some Verbal Knowledge

2009-01-16T20:24:00.002-06:00

Here are a few of my favourite phrases that I've picked up over the years. First the word/phrase, then the definition and then an example.

A Grip:
Definition- a long passage of time, usually at least since last Spring Break
Example- Dang...how've you been? It's been a grip since I last saw you!

Fixin'ta:
Definition- making preparations
Example- Q. What are y'all doin'? A. We're finxin'ta go to the mall.
[note: "fixing to" or "fixin' to" are not aceptable]

Geekin'
Definition- to act awkward or nerdy
Example- I really wanted to make a good impression on that chick, but then I just started geekin'. I probably blew it.

Howdja-
Definition- to inquire into a course of action
Example- I've been trying to get that lid off all day; howdja manage to get it off?

Flip-flopper
Definition- someone who is prone to change their mind alot
Example- Down at the slam dunk contest they had some real flip-floppers

Rule of thumb
Definition- a general measure of advice or operation
Example- I can get mean, but as a general rule of thumb they shouldn't bleed for longer than 15 minutes

A List.....

2009-01-15T18:39:00.001-06:00

....Of people who deserve to be punched.

People Who Deserve It

Pee-cicles

2009-01-15T18:09:00.008-06:00

It has been colder than....well, cold this past week. Temperatures have seldom made it above 0 these past few days. This is Iowa so we should kind of be used to it. It's just that we haven't dipped this low for the last ten years.

What is hard to fathom for me are the folks who live in Alaska that are used to it. When their cars or buses don't run they just hop on the snow mobiles. Kids put on their tennis racket-like shoes and head off to school.

Things I like to do when it is this cold-

Spit waaaaay up in the air. I know that it is juvenile but it is still fascinating.
Start my car and let it run for a long time before I get in. I like it toasty warm, but it kills my gas mileage.
Take a pan of hot water outside just to watch it get extra steamy.
Pee outside when I'm not close to a public bathroom. Yeah, probably illegal in many places but when you gotta go, you gotta go; and if it is cold enough you can see it steam and freeze before it hits the ground.

With that said, spring still can't come soon enough. I don't like wearing coats.

Next week it is supposed to soar into the upper mid 30's. I'll be at the beach....not really, but these goofballs decided to go-

I'm going to go find my electric blanket.

You Say You Want A Resolution

2009-01-09T22:30:00.002-06:00

2008 is now gone and I don't know where all it went. Another year of working has passed. Another year of my children't lives have passed. Another year of my marriage has completed. In so many ways there were milestones and in others it was, sadly, just like all the rest.

Typically the way I close out each year is to put on my headphones and listen contemplatively to A Long December by Counting Crows. Here it is, if you haven't heard it-

Well, I didn't do that this year. This year we brought in the new year watching the movie Traitor. I didn't know what else to do.

I also didn't want to put togther some immediately sappy post about all the memories that I was adding to the book of my life. I wanted to take a little more time than I normally do. Well, I've taken that time now and I think that I've come up with a few things.

I really have not been one to make new year's resolutions. I've always thought that they were cheap and lazy and unachievable. I also don't think that the new year should begin in winter. I'm all for irony but that is too much. It would be more fitting if the new year began in spring when everything is coming back to life; but apparently we all know how I don't run the show....

Anyways, here are some of my "resolutions" for the year-

Find a new line of work- I can't keep up and I'm getting burned out
Try to have better dividing lines between my work life and my home life
Move to another house that is more practical for the fitting in of the rest of our lives
Have more play time; with my kids and doing the things that I like
Try to put fewer miles on my car unless it is for worthwhile adventures
Read more
Broaden my musical tastes
Go to a local play or musical
Go to an IMAX film
Revisit the game of frisbee golf
Get haircuts more frequently
Finish writing my book

I haven't decided on a new song for the year. I will need some time to think about that for a while. Rest assured that when I find it you all will know.

It came upon a midnight cold

2008-12-21T20:13:00.003-06:00

I had a realization last night. I decided that it was time to take my kids outside in the 8 degree weather for some well needed play time. It reminded me of playing outside as a child. I would get all bundled up and go outside for hours at a time. We never seemed to get enough time out in the white coldness.

We had shovels, gloves, sticks and boots. We would build forts out of snow or take the 4 block hike up to the Elementary school where we spent the bulk of the rest of our time during the week. That was back when parents could trust society to let their kids tread into the unknown.

It was so much fun, but how is it that the memories would so quickly escape my mind? Probably because I'm usually just too busy. Kids can play outside when it is hot and when it is cold. I need to be more mindful of my kids' needs in this area.

The major bummer in the area that I live in is the lack of hills for sledding. I want to give my kids the same opportunity for white flight that I had. I want them to have the same sensation of flying down a hill questioning the ability to survive. I want them to feel the fear of not knowing if they will land back down on the sled or be left cold in a drift.

Kids should have that experience. Parents should provide it for them.

I do remember a few times that my parents took us to some pretty outrageous places to sled. No matter how cold it was we always had a good time.

We looked forward the most to the day when my dad would fulfill his promise of bringing home a whole dump truck load of snow and pile it in our front yard. Sadly, that day never came. I looked forward to making a castle out of it, but apparently it just wasn't meant for this wanna' be prince to reside in such a temporary ice palace.

I did dig a tunnel for my daughter yesterday. She liked it and so did I. There was also a certain sense of joy in my son clinging on to me for dear life in hopes of keeping warm.

No Perks @ Perkins

2008-11-30T15:59:00.003-06:00

Today my family went and had lunch at Perkins. These are the classes of people that I observed-

The Church Crowd: They just came from church in their suits and hats
The Family Frolic: These are families that came in for lunch and it seems quite apparent by their combined weight that they are not strangers to the establishment
The Greasy Gabbers: Like the family that sat at the table next to us. They looked like they hadn't bathed in a few days. I had more teeth in my mouth alone than all four of them had put together. And they smelled like they lived in an ashtray. [I have nothing against smokers...but come on, were you steaming in your car with the windows rolled up right before you came in?]

It seems like the list of acceptable restaurants in Marshalltown is getting smaller. Here is a short list of places we no longer patronize and why, and in no particular order-

Burger King: They usually get our orders wrong [even when we are the only people in the joint] and none of the workers speak English
Wendy's: My wife insists that her burgers are always cold when she gets them
Arby's: The inside of the place always seems a bit dirty and the drive thru takes longer than waiting inside
Subway: Because my wife is pregnant there is some reason, that I can't remember, as to why she can't eat cold meat sandwiches right now
KFC: Because we always get more fried batter with our food than actual chicken
Long John Silvers: Heart attack in a greased box
Perkins: For the reasons listed above that spawned this post
The Olive Garden: "Because when you're here you're like family" and apparently it's OK for your family to serve you food that is only "not bad" but "not great"

Places we do still go-
Applebee's: Feelin' good in the neighborhood
McDonalds: Not sure why but they are still OK
Pizza Ranch: Nice buffet and a fairly clean place
Hardee's: Fairly clean and fairly good
Zeno's Pizza: Kind of an old place but it still has a little bit of class
Maid Rite: It is a classic restaurant. Literally on the map as one of the best in the area
Hickory Park: Very classy and great food
Old Chicago: Because the food is awesome and we can have fun
Taco John's: 6 pack & a pound. Cheap Sunday lunches and the place is clean

Bon Appetite

Thoughts On Christmas Music

2008-11-30T15:47:00.003-06:00

Lately I have been listening to Christmas music while at home or on the road with my family. My wife really likes it. I don't. This is not a rant about doing things that you dont' like out of your undying love for another person....this is a rant about how much I am coming to dislike Christmas music.

This post also isn't directed toward anyone else who likes the genre, but I am no longer a fan of any kind.

I have noticed two major things about Christmas music that really get under my skin. The first one is the number of people who take the time to sing about a fictitious character named Santa Claus. A big fat guy who never existed and yet still has such a hold on this commercial holiday. I've heard all kind of people sing about him- Celine Dion [who I can't stand no matter what she sings], Neil Diamond, The Beach Boys, Alvin & The Chipmunks, Karen Carpenter...the list goes on and on.

The second thing that I've noticed is that you can't just hear a song once or twice, but in a given hour you might hear it 3 or 4 times all by different artists. It just goes to show that in order to sell Christmas albums you don't have to have any creativity. You can just do the same stuff as everyone else, but just do it with your own voice or with a saxophone or something like that. I see it like recycled rice cakes; different flavours, but ultimately there is no substance as you feel "better" about filling your tummy.

I am typically not a big fan of Christmas anyways but I'll just say that I'm glad that my car has a CD player so that I can listen to whatever is on my playlist instead.

Age Discrimination At Playland

2008-11-16T22:53:00.002-06:00

I realized today that McDonalds is guilty of ageism.

I have read the same sign a thousand times but it didn't really sink in for me until today. The sign says that kids up to 12 can play....and parents too. But what about those from ages 13-not yet parent?

I am surprised that they have not had any law suits leveled against them for this.

What if, say, a fifteen year old was already a parent and they were able to play in there with their child...but another fifteen year old who went with them was not yet a parent? Would they be excluded from being able to play? And by what right?

I ultimately don't care. I am personally afraid to send my kids to play in that diseased ridden excuse for a good time. They might have fun, but I'm afraid of what they are going to bring home.

I Sold My Self At This Election

2008-11-15T21:18:00.002-06:00

The election is now over.

I was not in favour of any of the candidates that were running, but I still recognized my civic duty to vote. People who do not vote should have no say in the current state of politics or policy.

I was saddened by so many people that I knew of that decided that they were not going to vote in this election. So many of them had been duped into believing that they were somehow making a point. To me the point, though unintended, was simple- we have finally been worn down enough that we will give you what you ultimately want; for us to stop voting.

I encouraged these people to at least write someone in on the ballot.

My cousin called me one night very concerned that I was telling people to do this. He was under the impression that if I wrote someone else in, who had a lesser chance than McCain, that I was cancelling his vote. Partially right in logistics, but morally wrong.

I am not going to get into all of the details about who I wanted or why, but I will say that I ultimately conceeded and voted for McCain, an electoral mistake that I will not make again.

I don't buy into the crap that says that you should vote for the lesser of two evils or that you should cast your vote for the guy on "your side" that is most likely to win. Voting is a matter of conscience and choice based on representation. If you, like I did, give up your one shot to make your voice be heard [regardless of how the Electoral College will negate you anyways] then you have become a political whore. You weren't bought by money, but by ideology that loses every time.

The next time around I will not be so reluctant to give up my vote to someone who has a better chance. Come hell or high water, even if my candidate has the worst shot than anyone else they will still get my vote. It's all about principle. If you have no principle, regardless of who you're voting for, then you should not be allowed to vote.

Blig Blag Blog

2008-11-15T18:51:00.001-06:00

Many moons ago I entered my last post here. I really didn't mean for it to take so long before putting this one up but it just hasn't been as high of a priority for me lately. I even struggled putting this one up.

It's not like I don't have ideas to blog about, because I've got enough of them to choke a camel [though I don't condone the choking of any animals]. I think that it is the matter of not having an Internet connection wet-wired to my brain that is the biggest inconvenience. I really need thought recognition software of some kind that automatically opens a blog session when I have one of those "HAZAH" moments.

I'm not going to go down the roll of everything that I've been up to lately because I am just too bored to get into all that so I am going to break into dream again. I need someone out there to try and give me a meaningful interpretation of what I am dreaming about. Here goes:

Last night I had another dream. In the dream I had a few things creep back up that seem to be recurring patterns.

I am back at the college that I attended 10 years ago but it seems to always be in a different city
I never know what my class schedule is prior to the first day or school and classes having already started 20 minutes ago
On top of getting ready for classes there is also a very high priority for me to get my name out about the business that I run, primarily because I don't want to have a part time job working for someone else. I want to work for myself and make better money at it
Last night's different change up was that I had gotten a haircut. Right now it is about 2 inches past my chin in front and about 4-6 inches below my shoulders in back. In the dream I had just gotten it cut down short enough to do one of those metrosexual spike deals

Why am I always going back to school? What does that mean? And what is significant about it being a specific school?

I think I understand the job deal. I think that makes sense. It might be an affirmation that I long to be self-sufficient.

I'm not totally sure about the haircut part other than the fact that I've been tossing around the idea even while I'm conscious throughout the day. I'll probably keep it though.

So what does all this mean?

A Friday Fenominon

2008-10-10T15:11:00.001-06:00

Am I A Hippie?

2008-10-05T15:02:00.003-06:00

I wouldn't normally just randomly ask a question like this but latly I've had a few people either infer or downright accuse me of being a hippie. Let's do a little examination:

Hippie definition (noun) from Wikipedia-

1. (in the 1950s) A teenager who imitated the Beatniks
2. (in the 1960s; still widely used in reference to that era) One who chooses not to conform to prevailing social norms: especially one who ascribes to values or actions such as acceptance or self-practice of recreational drug use, liberal or radical sexual mores, advocacy of communal living, strong pacifism or anti-war sentiment, etc.
3. Someone with long hair: specifically, of a hair length that is considered unconventionally long in relation to one’s gender, age, ethnicity, or land of origin.
4. Someone who dresses in a hippie style.
5. One who is hip.

Now let's examine whether or not I fall into each class.

1. I am not from the 50's and I've never imitated the Beatniks.

2. I am not one who would typically conform to prevailing social norms [although I do now have a Blogger, MySpace and Facebook account]. I do not ascribe to values or actions that affirm the use of recreational drugs; but I don't deny them either. It is just a personal choice of mine not to get mixed up in chemicals that I don't know what they could do to me. I also don't personally seek to advance any liberal or radical sexual mores. Sex is fun, but for me just my wife is enough. Whether or not others want to pursue options outside of the "traditional" bounds of "normal" sexuality is up to them and I don't necessarily need to know about it. While I am also not a direct advocate of communal living...I cannot deny some of the benefits that it can have for a certain number of like-minded individuals who can make it work. Individualism is the key. They are all special individuals....just like everyone else. When it comes to pacifism, I do lean toward that side; though I am also not completely anti-war. In my personal life I try to be as passive as possible, but if push comes to shove for me personally....Well, let's just say that I haven't used my fists since Jr. High, but I've made sure to at least keep them polished. Politically, I don't think that we need to be the world peace force. We spend way too much money on war...and when we do go to war we often do not demonstrate the power that we should; i.e. why is there even still an Iraq on the globe? Get in, do it, do it right....make the other guy whose willing to die for his cause do exactly that.

3. While my hair is getting longer than it has ever been in my life, I would not say that it is unconventionally long yet. But then again, in today's culture anything goes with less friction then it did when I was a kid....so this is possibly a moot point now.

4. Someone who dresses in a hippie style- while I have always seemed to lack a certain sense of "style" I don't really wear bell bottoms or dashiki's I don't think that they are all that bad. I do actually own a dashiki but it is too big for me so I don't wear it. I also got rid of my bell bottoms after college.

5. One who is hip- we'll leave that up to my kids to decide in a couple of years but my guess is that they would deny the suggestion because that's what kids do.

So I think that it is safe to conclude that I am mostly not a hippie. Sometimes people make accusations without really thinking about what they are saying.

So in another future post we'll have to explore the other accusation that I used to receive from an old co-worker of mine who insisted that I looked and acted like I was from Boulder, Colorado.

Until then, enjoy this clip-

I feel the burn....in my eyes

2008-10-02T10:39:00.002-06:00

Unfortunately these days I have become accustomed to the burning sensation that I usually feel in my eyes. Part of it comes from staring at a computer screen all day. The other part of it comes from wearing contacts for long periods of time and being up later every night than I should.

Today's economy is sucking me dry.

It is unfortunate that my main job doesn't seem to cover all of the expenses that are in my life...and I like to think that we live pretty modestly. The only debts that we have are a mortgage and a van payment. In order to make up what is lacking I have not yet resorted to selling internal organs, but I do feel like in some ways I have sold my soul.

I'm tired. I work 40 hours a week with my main job. The nights that I am able to come home at a reasonable time I try to be a good dad and husband. Other nights I can be gone late either working on computers or painting. Or I could bring the computers to my house, like last night, and be up till 2AM working on them. And the weekends can also be filled with work if it is there...and sometimes even when it is, the money can still be tight.

I was just thinking the other day about all the people in the world out there that know what it is like to come home from work, kick their shoes off and just relax or do what they enjoy doing. I don't know how much debt they might have, but they aren't busting their humps working more than one job.

If I didn't have the economic pressures that I have currently here's how I would spend my free time:

Weeknights- I would come home from work and have dinner with the family. After dinner I would either help my kids with their school work or play with them, read to them or whatever they wanted to do. After they went to bed I would help my wife with whatever chores around the house needed done so that we'd be finished with everything in time to maybe occasionally watch a movie, TV show, or read a book. Then I'd aim to be in bed by 11PM every night.

Weekends- I would get up and have breakfast, watch the news, and solidify plans for the day. When the dew had evaporated I would mow the lawn. I'd then take care of whatever household chores/projects needed to be done and then have the rest of the day to do whatever with whoever.

I would really like the idea of going to bed earlier so that I could get up earlier. For me there is a great sense of "completeness" that goes with being able to have a long and fulfilling day of achievement of goals. It might help with my ongoing depression.

I remember one of my favourite "cycles" of my life. It was a pretty short one but it was the best: We were on a vacation in Washington. It was in July and the sun would set around 9:45PM. Once it got dark where we were [on top of a mountain] it was dark. No street lights, only the moon and stars. I was usually in bed and asleep by 10:30. The sun would then rise, and I would rise with it, around 6AM. It was such a refreshing cycle.

My problem with all of that though is that by nature I tend to be a night owl. If the conditions are right, sometimes I could easily find myself up and busy until 4:30AM after getting up the previous morning as early as 7:30. I've had to adapt though. I just can't do that very often anymore. Although, occasionally when I'm under a deadline for something I may go for several days on only 3 or 4 hours of sleep each night, and sometimes throw in an all nighter.

Things might appear to be easier for us if my wife worked....but that also would then add another set of complications that we don't currently have. That would mean we'd also have to find childcare. Our daughter is Kindergarten age but we have chosen to homeschool our kids to keep them out of the ever shallowing mires of the public education system. Sure, we'd have my wife working, but then probably 3/4 of her paycheck would go toward paying someone else to raise our kids most of the time. Why?

I would really like to see a return to a local economy system. All too often small town economies are overthrown by the big cities that attract more people to work there. The higher wages from the big cities then drive up the cost of everything else that comes in contact with it. Real estate goes up because incomes are higher and people can better "afford" the new cost structure. Increases in wages lends to an increase in money circulation which then also further inflates the cost of living. There's really no way for the middle class to ever get ahead of the cycle.

We're working on it though. From here on out we're committed to pouring almost every extra cent into paying off the debts and simplifying our lives so that one day I can come home from work and just sit down and watch TV if that's what I desire to do.

In the meantime.....I just wish I had time to take a nap once in a while.

Sunday Night In The Crib

2008-09-21T20:24:00.001-06:00

I have had a lot of different things off and on my mind lately but I don't know if I am in the right frame of mind to pound anything out here right now. So instead enjoy this video clip-

30

2008-09-12T13:05:00.002-06:00

I turned 30 yesterday. Yes, 9/11 is my birthday and has been since I was born. I chose not to watch any news yesterday because it's not that I didn't want to remember what happened at the twin towers but I just didn't want to remember it the way the media wanted me to remember.

I am also taking this whole week off of work so that I can work on a project with my wife- a makeover on the kids' bedroom. I'll post pictures of before and after when it is done but let's just say that for now it has been a lot more work than I realized it will be. We will still be "done" on schedule but I probably won't have any time to finish their bunk bed this week. Maybe that will have to wait until another weekend. Not only am I going to build a bunk bed but it is going to also be a loft style. The kids need more room in their room.

So I've been busy this week. Not a bad way to spend the week.

I have also had a little time to cut loose with the kids. On Wednesday night I took the kids up to the Elementary School while the Mrs. went to a Bible study down the street. The kids and I ran non-stop for about two hours all over the equipment. It got pretty tiring but it was AWESOME!!!

As I approached my 30th birthday [or beginning the 31st year of my life] I wanted to do it in better shape than I did my 29th. My current job has me sitting all day. I have to depend on my own discipline to work out on my own and cut down the eating if I was to feel any better about myself. So far things aren't going too bad. In about 2 months I think I've dropped about 10 pounds. I know that it could be more but hey, this isn't a race to me, it's a lifestyle change. Playing with the kids will be another outlet for me to accomplish the exercise. Since we homeschool out kids I have decided to act as their principal, foreign language and gym teacher. I just wish that the weather was going to be better for today and tomorrow so that we could get out there and do it all over again.

I'm tired now and am going to go take a nap. In the meantime enjoy this clip-

MMW- Love The Lover

2008-08-28T23:04:00.001-06:00

If I got high I would trip to this...but since I don't I still listen anyways to simulate such a thing.

MUTO

2008-08-28T21:49:00.000-06:00

Some Olympic Commentary

2008-08-28T21:31:00.002-06:00

Now that the 2008 Olympics are over I would like to offer some commentary/critique/criticism. I think I would have enjoyed the Olympics this time around if I would have actually gotten to see more than swimming and gymnastics. I seem to have missed the more interesting events.

In this post I offer a proposal for events that should be dropped from future competitions. While the events in and of themselves may be entertaining, they are either driven by the commercial or recreational forces and not that of survival; which is originally what made the Olympics what they were. They have no show of strength, skill, courage or stamina.

Badminton
Baseball
Basketball
Field Hockey
Soccer
Handball
Softball
Synchronized Swimming
Table Tennis
Regular Tennis
Volleyball
Water Polo
and for the love of God.......
Speed Walking

It is not that I have anything intuitively against any of these as sports [except for Speed Walking] but they, in my humble opinion, do not belong in the Olympics.

IOC- put that in your pipe and smoke it.

A Dream

2008-08-25T13:36:00.002-06:00

I had a dream the other night that was pretty strange. I am trying to find out what it means.

The dream came at one of those times where the alarm has already gone off, you get up to turn the alarm off, and then lay back down and fall asleep again for a few minutes.

======================================================

I was in a very large building, seemingly looking for someone...looking for some kind of answer to something. Suddenly my cell phone rang. It was the professor; but not just any professor, it was the top dog. The leading expert in the field.

We talked on the phone for a while as I took in the sheer wonderment of why he would take the time to discuss this issue with me. As we talked I was walking all around the building, which I believed was a very large college campus building. Depending on where I went the signal strength of my phone varied. Several times we cut in and out but he did not ever hint at hanging up.

He guided me as I spoke to the location that I could find him. The directions were confusing but I eventually made my way out a door and found him standing in a common area. We hung up our phones and began to walk and continue our conversation where we eventually met up with some of his family members. He invited me to tag along so that we could keep talking.

We all piled into a 20's-30's model car and drove down the street. This car somehow had 3 rows of seats. I was in the very back on the passenger side and he was in the middle row middle seat. We were all pretty pressed for space.

As we rode I began to see that there were bees flying all over around the inside of the car. No one else seemed to be bothered by them but I started to panic a little inside. I attempted to try and shoe some of them out my window and then tried rolling it up all the way but the handle was broken inside the door. I reached down to the door handle to try and jiggle everything to get the window crank to latch back up to work. As I was shaking the door handle more bees began to surface from a nest inside the handle. I did not get stung but feared that it would happen. I also began to see that this was a problem that had probably been in the car for quite some time. Why weren't they bothered by this?

About this time I then looked down at my leg to see a miniature scorpion crawling across it. Afraid of potentially being stung by it I reached down and grabbed its tail just below where the stinger was. When I attempted to pull it off of my leg it dug some claws into my pant leg in attempts of holding on and would not let go. I then sat there in fear that not only could I not get it off, but also that if I let go of it then it would sting me. So I just sat there wondering what I should do.

That is when I woke up with a racing heart.

===============================

Any thoughts as to what this means?

Meeting Minutes

2008-08-19T09:46:00.003-06:00

It has been a month since I've rapped at y'all. Sorry about that. My life has just been a crazy mess of all sorts of stuff.

Let's recap June-

All I remember was my daughter's birthday. She turned the big 5 this year. Wow, time really flies. If you have kids then you understand this well. It hits home even more when you sit back and look at photos of them growing up right before your eyes. A few of them that I looked at seemed like they happened just last week; only to remember that it was actually over 2 years ago. Hold on to them tightly and treat them well because the time is short.

Another June moment was the confirmation that we are now expecting our 3rd child. So far the pregnancy is going well and my wife is still looking pretty hot. Well, she's always a hot preggo but I am sure that we won't have much time to really worry about that stuff. Now that we've already got 2 kids to keep us busy, and with how quickly the this last year has gone by, I'm sure that the pregnancy will breeze right by. I am pretty thankful for that because I remember how hard our first pregnancy was. The first few months blew right by. The next 4 months went by at a "life as usual" pace. The last month was killer. The anticipation kept me up each night thinking that my wife's every move meant that she was going into labor. Baby, when you're ready, we'll be waiting for you.

Pivot point 3 for June was my decision that I really needed to start working out again, seriously. My daughter told me one day after I got out of the shower that I looked like I was going to have a baby. That hurt...but she was right.

I will be 30 next month and although I am still about 5 years away from entering those "mid-life" years I don't want to be one of those fat and unhappy middle-agers. My diet needs adjusting, which I'm working on, and I need to offset all of my hours sitting at a desk during the day with physical activities. Admittedly, getting into the swing of things is really hard, but I can say that I already feel a difference. I've lost 10 pounds and I feel a little more confident about myself. I don't need to be Mr. Universe but I also don't want to maintain my staus quo.

On the job front-

I'm still at my regular day job. Not really going anywhere with that one.

The computer gigs keep coming in. I am usually making 2-3 calls a week on my customers and I am continually getting new ones.

I have also started to take off with painting. So far I have done the interior of 2 rental houses and a display wall in a photo gallery. Coming up sometime in the future I will have another home interior, a photo studio backdrop wall, 2 apartments and possibly 2 condos. If you or anyone that you know of is in the need for a painter just let me know or send them my way.

My book is still very slow in development. I have some upcoming time that I need to take off of work though so hopefully I can find myself in some secluded places for a few days and finally get it finished. I imagine that it would be a lot easier to crank out more books in less time if that was the only thing that a person did.

My parents' divorce isn't getting any easier. My dad has been out of my mom's house for about 2 months now. We seem to see him every few weeks when he comes up to visit. It is nice to see him but it is hard because he seems to always be on a limited schedule and he's really unhappy.

My mom is doing much better than expected though. She has begun to find ways to pick up the pieces of her life and move on. She is a strong woman. She is keeping herself busy with people and things to do and I'm very proud of her.

Back to work.

Thanks for reading.

The Bad Song I Never Finished

2008-07-16T16:42:00.007-06:00

I started to write this in college. I just stumbled upon it on Monday night when looking through some boxes of my things at my mom's house. Tonight I picked up my guitar in hopes that I might somehow redeem it but I think I'll leave it alone. Actually, once I post the lyrics here I am going to throw away the envelope that I wrote it on.

Lyrics first and then the story.

Chorus:
As long as I'm being honest
It might be safe to say
The days seemed like years
While both of us were away
Every time I turned around
To see what's goin' down
It was your face I was seeing
And your voice was the sound in my head

Verse I:
It's been a long December, but I can still remember
Smoking with you while we sang Elizabeth to sleep
Those little moments still linger in my brain
While I pray you the Good Lord would keep
'Cause I know it's a long ways from Billings to Des Moines
An annoyance for which I don't much care
But there's not much I can do, even though I miss you
And I know nobody said that life is fair

Verse 2:
At times when I was walking
I was whistling a tune
At times when I was talking
I was thinking about you
Early in the morning, sometimes 2 or 3
I'd either be up, or I'd wake up
Hoping you would crash into me
Wishing I could watch you there
Through the window as I stare at you
And how you crush me
With all the little things you do

Meaning-

When I was in college I met this unlikely girl from Billings, MT who apparently thought I was pretty cool.....at least for a short stint of a couple of weeks before XMas break. I thought that she was pretty cool too.

She had what seemed like a very warm and inviting personality, cool long curly hair, was pretty and had a nice body as well. We both had aspirations of being teachers some day. We both liked rock music. We both liked to break the rules a little bit.

We probably started hanging out about the middle to end of November. When I first "met" her it was more just an acquaintance than anything. My buddy across the hall had grown up with her and I had casually said "hello" from time to time when I saw her. The first time that we really ever talked at any length about anything was when she was over visiting our dorm for "open dorm" night. That was when the guys could go check out the girl's rooms and vice-versa for a few hours one night....you know, just so we could see what each other's rooms smelled like.

So she timidly peeks into my room without really knowing me yet and comments on this lamp that I had. [you can still pretty much ask anyone who has ever seen the lamp and they will testify to its most awesome sweet-tasticness....except for my wife] So I invited her in to look at it more closely. [remember, it was an awesome lamp] When she was farther in to my room she saw my Bob Marley poster, my other pieces of collected art, my CD collection, my guitar.....all the stuff that makes a dude what he is. Well, it turned out that she like a lot of the same stuff that I did and before I knew it I was sitting on my bed playing the guitar for her. I JUST DIDN'T DO STUFF LIKE THAT!!! My guitar was sacred and there was no way that I would just bust it out and start playing for some chick, but I did it. Why? Because I was a sucker of a guy for a honey.

The rest of this story, like the relationship, is short.

Just when we were starting to dig each other it was time for XMas break. She went back to Billings and I came back to Des Moines. While I was home I started to write this song. Then after I called her on XMas Eve to wish her a merry XMas I started to wonder if I should finish it or not.

She seemed distant on the phone. She also seemed surprised that I would call. I didn't know what to say when I started to sense the tension and suspicion. I made small talk for a few minutes and then we hung up the phone.

When we got back to school, I decided not to call her right away. I decided to wait until I saw her in Chapel. When I did, I went up to her and gave her a hug and she awkwardly invited me to sit with her and her friends but something still seemed off.

Later I would come to find out that the reason we dissolved was not because she didn't like my change in hairstyle, but because she had reunited with someone from back home over the break. "God just totally did this and I wasn't expecting it." You weren't expecting it? Well neither was I.

That was the first time in my Bible College career that I verbally used the term "Fuck it."

I was hopeless and in love with the idea of being in love. It's like I wanted the relationship without really wanting to be "in" it. I was still pretty pissed that I had let my guard down like that though. That kind of vulnerability needs to be earned over time, but like the romantic jester that I was I just cut my own heart open and let it bleed all over anyone who would get close....but that was the last time.

So now, I'm left with the following-

A lesson about moving too fast in my mind
A lesson that it takes a lot of time to really be able to trust someone
A memory of being able to apologize to her for the way I handled it
A crappy unfinished song
The satisfaction being able to see myself honestly for what I was

Tons Of Boredom & A Little Time

2008-07-11T14:47:00.004-06:00

Today I was really bored and had a little bit of time so I decided to take some surveys over at BeliefNet. Here are some of the results...if you care-

My Spirituality Type-
Spiritual Straddler: One foot in traditional religion, one foot in free-form spirituality

My Faith-
Unitarian Universalist (100%)
New Age (97%)
Mahayana Buddhism (97%)
Neo-Pagan (97%) [I don't like that term]
Liberal Quaker (94%)
Theravada Buddhism (88%)
I'll just leave those as the top 6...

It should also be understood that I have taken that particular survey several times and have gotten varying results each time.

What Element Am I?
Water: You're sensitive and fluid, responding to feelings more than anything else. Dreams, visions, love, and the mysterious attract you. You may be prone to depression, so try to balance your emotions with rationality.

Am I A Hermit?
Though I can be extroverted, I'm also drawn to solitude and stillness at times.

Those were really the only surveys that looked interesting to me. Admittedly I am sure that some of them were baited or really had no way of coming to ultimate conclusions.

Just thought I'd put that 0ut there for today; now discuss amongst yourselves.

A Short Story....By Yours Truly

2008-06-28T14:39:00.002-06:00

He was wearing the same shoes that day as he had for many of the other major occasions in his life. They were rugged and tattered and yet still bore a certain luster that set them apart from any others that you might find in the window of any shop that might still be left uptown.

They had carried him through the birth of his first son and the death of his college roommate. He was wearing them when he was promoted to vice-president of the sales division. He was re-lacing them when the phone rang to inform him that his mother had a tumor. He had just brought them home from the cobbler when he also stopped to pick up the stack of mail that contained the statement that his MasterCard was now going to be cancelled unless he made a payment.

It is hard to find a good pair of shoes. They just don't seem to make them like they used to. His had the stamp of integrity, literally, there was a stamp on the bottom of them that said "Made With Integrity." They would only laugh at the suggestion that they were made somewhere else, like China, by kids in a sweat shop who were only working for $.10/hour on the midnight shift. No, these were hand crafted by his great grandfather in a garage in Poland.

Happy Birthday

2008-06-28T13:34:00.001-06:00

These days just go by so quickly. Yesterday marked the 5th anniversary of my daughter's birth. 5 years ago we had been in the hospital welcoming her into the world. Now, 5 years later I start a new tradition- taking the day off of work to spend with the birthday child. So the day went like so:

We started out by taking her to the last day of Vacation Bible School at church. I thought that it might make some kind of difference to her having me there but it didn't really. I should have taken my laptop along and worked more on my book. [The Unauthorized & Incomplete Autobiography Of Rage Perry, set to be finished sometime in the future].

When VBS was over then it was time for the birthday girl to pick the destination for our noonly feeding. I figured that the choice would be Culvers. She surprised us by picking McDonalds. Bear in mind that we pretty much gave her the choice of anywhere in town. So off to McDonalds we went to stuff our faces.

After we were done eating it was then time for my wife and son to go sleep in the van while I continued to sit in the booth fighting the Sandman and watching the girl run around in the play area and periodically call out my name and wave to me. It was kind of nice to feel like she still needed me for something, but when she was done playing I was only good for carrying our drinks back out to the van. I sooooo wanted a nap, but that's the story of my life.

From Mickey D's we proceeded to the theatre where we all nustled our bums into the chairs and prepared to be amazed by Kung Fu Panda. Both of my kids really liked it and so did I. You can take the guy out of martial arts but you just can't ever fully take the martial arts out of him. I have always also been a fan of some of the Confusian thought that comes from the far east. The whole "less is more and more is less" kind of thought.

Shortly after we got back home my wife's mom, aunt and uncle came over for dinner before they had to head on to some school reunion activity. It is always good to see that clan. They brought with them gifts for my daughter and food.

My daughter was excited for many of her presents. Barbies, movies, clothes. She actually asked for some Caroll Burnett videos....and she got them.

Food, cake, movies and more movies, company, a miriad of phone calls...it made for a busy day.

It is hard to imagine life without kids. I spent more of my life not having kids but now it is hard to be where I am and imagine not having any. They add another dimension to life. Like today....

Today my daughter successfully did a pretty long bike ride....without the training wheels. She was peddling and riding all by herself, stopping when she should, avoiding parked cars, she was a pro. I need to go ride with her a little later today so that she can get a little more practice.

Right now she has a friend over to the house who lives a block away. The girl is polite and they have been playing well together but I can't help but wonder what her home life is like. Do her parents ever wonder where she is? Do they feed her often? How concerned are they for her overall well being? It is just hard to know any more the parental involvement out there. Many parents are just in it because they forgot to use contraception. I hate that for the kids and I hate to assume the role of neighborhood babysitter; but if the only safe place is my place then I guess I feel a certain moral obligation. All I know is that they seem to be getting along well and my daughter has needed some other kids to be able to play with.

I am happy because she is happy. That's all a daddy ultimately wants for his little girl.

A short rant

2008-06-26T15:53:00.004-06:00

I just wanted to take a quick moment to share with the world one of my deepest pet peeves: non-graduating graduations.

They now seem to take these forms-

Kindergarten
5th Grade
8th Grade
High School

Let's take a look at what it means to graduate.

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This grad·u·ate Audio Help [n., adj. graj-oo-it, -eyt; v. graj-oo-eyt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, adjective, verb, -at·ed, -at·ing. –noun

1.	a person who has received a degree or diploma on completing a course of study, as in a university, college, or school.

2.	a student who holds the bachelor's or the first professional degree and is studying for an advanced degree.

3.	a cylindrical or tapering graduated container, used for measuring.

–adjective

4.	of, pertaining to, or involved in academic study beyond the first or bachelor's degree: graduate courses in business; a graduate student.

5.	having an academic degree or diploma: a graduate engineer.

–verb (used without object)

6.	to receive a degree or diploma on completing a course of study (often fol. by from): She graduated from college in 1985.

7.	to pass by degrees; change gradually.

–verb (used with object)

8.	to confer a degree upon, or to grant a diploma to, at the close of a course of study, as in a university, college, or school: Cornell graduated eighty students with honors.

9.	Informal. to receive a degree or diploma from: She graduated college in 1950.

10.	to arrange in grades or gradations; establish gradation in.

11.	to divide into or mark with degrees or other divisions, as the scale of a thermometer.

I can see no reason for Kindergarteners, 5th or 8th graders to have such a ceremony. It seems like it just kind of takes the meaning out of the High School one...the legitimate one.

I remember my 5th grade graduation. We had to make and hold up signs signifying what we wanted to be when we grew up. Most of the other kids had signs that said:

Doctor
Lawyer
Marine Biologist
Teacher
Firefighter

Mine said "Professional Skateboarder." The only place that I now live that dream is in my head because somewhere between my heart and feet is this stomach that prohibits me from enjoying much of the former pleasures that I extracted from sporty activity.

It is only kindergarten people. Don't do it.

Just say no.

Father Knows Best

2008-06-16T11:34:00.003-06:00

Another Father's Day has come and gone and the verdict is in- I am still a dad. What a day it was.

8:30AM- Wife's alarm goes off and the kids start to make their way to our bedroom to climb into bed with us. The Mrs. and I had just climbed into bed about 6 hours before. She was busy doing some of her Internet stuff and I was taking on my first painting job. That's right, I have gotten my first painting job; I'll hit on that a bit later.

8:30 to 9:45AM- We all ran around doing our various things that we did that passed 1 hour and 15 minutes. The kids gave me their cards that they made for me and gave me some gifts. The two gifts were pretty funny: A refrigerator magnet that says "Dad's are someone to look up to no matter how big you are." [Funny to me because my 5 year old is more than 1/5 my size] The other gift was a nylon tattoo sleeve with a pirate theme.

9:45 to 9:50AM- Climb up on a ladder and go into the attic to retrieve a big attic fan to take to my dad on our way to a family rebellion.

9:50 to 10:45AM- Shower, shave, gussy up and get ready to leave the house.

10:45AM- Hit the road and head for family rebellion.

11:30ishAM- Stop and drop the fan off to my dad.

12:30ishPM- Finally arrive at the family reunion to find only about 5 families that have shown up.

2:00PM- Folks are staring to bounce from the family reunion.

2:30PM- We bounce from the reunion

2:50ishPM- Arrive at my mom's house and start going through boxes of my crap in her basement so that I could take it home and let it sit around.

5:00PM- Start thinking about heading back home.

6:15PM or so- We finally left mom's and headed to the nearest Wendy's for some crappy fast food.

7:15PM- We roll back into our hometown and stopped for a home break before heading up to my job site to assess my paint job.

7:20 to 8:40PM- Stood around on Main Street talking to folks about all kinds of stuff.

8:50 to 10:00PM- Bathe and retire the kids.

10:00 to 10:55PM- Whatever it is we did.

11:00 to 12:15AM- Back up to job site to paint and prep some more.

12:30ishAM- Put my butt to bed.

I am sure that you, the readers, didn't necessarily need to know my complete schedule for yesterday but my aim is to give you more that what you pay for....

Some thoughts that I had yesterday:

Being a dad- I often feel that I am not a very good dad, but I have great kids who are supportive of me and make me feel better about myself through the things that they do and the way I can be there for them.

In many ways I have no idea what to do as a dad. My dad did his "best" when I was younger but it was primarily my mom that did most of our raising. And now that I am older, and at this particular junction in my life, I don't really feel that I can look to my dad for anything right now other than how to do wiring or install an air conditioner or replace my alternator. I can't really look to him for moral guidance and he's never been much of a spiritual leader either. So I do what I can, understanding that it probably isn't right, but knowing that I still need to be active in the pursuit of just trying to do it "better."

When I stopped yesterday to give the attic fan to my dad I felt really strange. I knew that he was my biological father but in many ways it felt like I was dropping something off with one of his friends. His face was now shaven. He had shaved off his goatee that morning and he looked like he had been gaining a significant amount of weight. He gave my kids each a bag of animal crackers. I could only hope that this wasn't the beginning of replacing meaningful interaction with just giving them stuff.

I want to continue to have some kind of relationship with him but right now I just don't know how.

Family Reunion- Each year they just keep getting a little bit smaller and a little bit shorter. I felt even worse that I didn't really talk to as many people as I should have; namely my very special cousin Connie. Connie is now in her 50's, possibly even 60's and she has some mental disability. She is such a sweet woman who lives in a home for handicap people. She doesn't really have any family that is very close by. She doesn't say much but when she laughs, which is often, it is contagious.

She had a brother who was also mentally handicap, Bill. Bill was a portly guy who usually wore overalls and a t-shirt of some kind. He seemed like he was a little higher functioning than Connie. He was my family reunion buddy. I would show up and he would run over and give me a big hug and we'd sit and talk and tell jokes and have a great time. Bill passed away about 10 or 12 years ago.

The thing that I always loved about Connie was that no matter what I looked like or what hair style I was sporting she could always recognize me. I would walk up and say "Hi Connie!" and she would just quietly look up and say "Hi Chris." This year was a little bit different. When I walked up to her it was from behind while she was sitting at the picnic table. I put my hands on her shoulders and leaned up over her and said "Hello young lady" and she looked up at me through my hair and looked a little confused. I then said "Hi Connie, it's Chris." She then took hold of my hands on her shoulders for a moment and said, "Hi Chris. It's good to see you."

Before I knew it she was getting ready to leave, so I went over to her and we talked for a few minutes. The last thing we did before we parted ways was hugged. Across her walker she gave me a big bear hug that was full of meaning and she said in her voice, without being propted, "I love you." "I love you too Connie" I said back. "I am very glad you came today."

My family needs to plan some trips to go spend some time with Connie. My kids could learn so much from her. We all have so much we could learn.

Moving the boxes- I had more boxes to take home from my mom's than I thought I would, but still not so many that I was overwhelmed. While looking through the boxes, mostly of books, I stumbled upon my 2nd grade year book. WOW! I used to be a 2nd grader. It was funny to look at some of the pictures and realize that I was also looking at so many people that I ended up going to high school with. I think that I could use the pictures for some good blackmail at some point in the future.

So many of those times in my life now feel like they never really existed. I don't know what happened but I kind of wish that I could have them back for a moment or two.

Painting moves me- When I returned from painting on Saturday my wife asks me how the painting went. My answer was "absolutely invigorating." It really was. It felt great to be behind the pole and running that roller again. Hopefully sometime soon I'll be throwing in the towel on the corporate job and colouring other worlds around me.

I think that's all for now.

Happy Father's Day

Hey Monkey

2008-06-08T09:43:00.004-06:00

I'm back for another session; I'm really pretty bummed about the reality that every time I post a new entry that it isn't really "topical" as much as it is an overdue mental vomit that contains a little bit of everything that I've been chewing on in my mind. Sorry for that, but time and energy just don't permit my blog to be all that she wants...."and all that she wants is another baby....and she's gone tomorrow."

Monkey in the picture used for this entry represents several things to me right now. The first thing that it represents was the most enjoyable thing that I recently observed at the Henry Doorly Zoo. The Spider Monkeys were incredible creatures to watch. They moved with such grace and agility and I just wanted to take one home. They were really getting jiggy with hamburger buns, graham crackers, pretzels and whatever the people were throwing into them. They sat out on logs holding themselves in place with their hands and tails while gracefully swooping down to steal the offerings from the tops of the Japaneese Carp that were too slow to retrieve them. One of them even raised his hand when he was ready for more. A sign to the crowd that "I'm the one that you should be looking at."

The zoo was a great time. In my two years living in Omaha I had ridden my bike there on several occasions, but just never when they were open. It lived up to what I expected of it.

Omaha.

I don't know what it is about Omaha. Every time I cross that bridge that separates Iowa's Council Bluffs and Nebraska's Omaha I just feel like somehow I'm back home. I have so many fond memories of that city and I wish that I could re-live so many of them. I don't seem to be able to get back there much but when I do it is always a treat. So what are my memories? Funny you should ask:

Playing guitar with one of my professors in the upper room of his house
Being able to be a part of a church that met on a Saturday night that wasn't concerned with how big we were
Working down in the Old Market district and being able to meet so many different kinds of people
Being able to ride my bike to work in the Old Market district
Making runs to the Vinton Street Tobacco shot to pick up cigars for poker night
Driving endlessly up and down Dodge and Douglas endlessly wondering if they ever stopped or started anywhere
Playing ultimate frisbee in Freedom Park on the occasional Sunday afternoon
Ordering Dominos pizza so often that they actually sent us a Christmas card one year
Riding my bike through the old neighborhoods
Taking trips out to the music shop to pick up guitar strings and oogle over all the other stuff that I couldn't afford
Making afternoon runs to all of the thrift shops in search of the best deals
Walking through parks while the Mexicans held their monster birthday parties and hearing their music blair
Spending hours in the chair at the BioLife plasma donation center so that I could turn around and take that money to Hooper's so I could increase my CD collection
Working in a crappy music store in one of the suburbs and driving to work every day wondering which one would be my last due to having to close the place down
Late night talks with roomies
Getting up at noon on Sundays
The crappy campus "diner" food on Sunday nights (chicken strips, fries and a soda)
The band, Autumn's Green, that I used to play in

So many things happened there that go into making me who I am today. Some thins I wish were the same. I'm glad some things have changed.

Another monkey is the one on my back about running my own business. Each day that goes by brings with it the feeling that sooner or later I should just bite the bullet and start doing it. I admit that I still feel scared about it.

Another monkey is the other one on my back about my parents' divorce. Divorce sucks. I just can't say that enough. I have never heard of a "good" divorce. Ever. It is hard to be in the place of having to be emotionally supportive of my mom without letting all of her pain become my own. It is hard to be there for my dad when by all appearances we don't even really have much of a relationship. And it sucks even worse to be stuck in the middle and trying to care only enough to be available for both parties, but distant enough to try and remain numb.

Another monkey for today is one of my own, my monkey daughter. Tonight we have our 2nd annual Father-Daughter dance. What happens tonight is that I take her on a date. She picks the place where we go to eat. Last year she chose Perkins and this year she has chosen Culvers. We get all dressed up and then we go out to dinner and just spend time together. We talk about what it means to grow up. We, as dads, try and take an opportunity to show our little girls what they should be treated like as ladies. We open doors for them, slide out their chairs and do whatever other chivalrous things come to mind. We just spend quality time together...somthing that all of us dad's should be doing more often anyways.

Then when dinner is done we return to the chosen location for a dance. All the daddies and daughters have fun for a couple of hours dancing and goofing around. We also have some snacks and punch and play some games. It is a fun time for everyone. I'm looking forward to it. I may not be the best dad in the world but I love my babies.

This week will also mark [in some way, shape or form] the re-shaping of my ass. I have had it [once again] with being the shape that I am. I have to start out slow and work my way up, but I am thinking that between now and my birthday in September that there should be no excuse for me not to have dropped at least 15lbs or at least turned it from fat into muscle.

It is now rainging outside....again....and more threats of flooding are on the horizon for many parts of the state. Just a few weeks ago I was asking when we might actually see summer. Now it is here with all of its humidity and misery. I know that I am dreaming but I just want a year of fall and spring.

Gary N. [If you're reading this], I've decided that I will try to have a song written by the time we come back to Omaha. I'm also looking forward to being able to lay down some vocals for some of the tunes that you were asking me about. I hope we can do that sometime sooner rather than later.

Jason, I look forward to having you up here in a couple of weeks. Our rendezvous is long overdue and it is largely my fault.

Spoon, thanks for the tech referral in Dallas.

Linebarger, if you read this then thanks for taking the referral. I know she appreciates it.

To all mah otha' homiez- peace and luvs to y'all

I had other crap I was going to write about too but I can't remember it right now. Mabye today will be a periodical catch up day.

Video for a wet Tuesday

2008-05-27T14:18:00.000-06:00

Butt Head I`m sure this kid gets picked on at school every day.

News Break 5.23.08

2008-05-23T13:39:00.003-06:00

Fitting picture.

This is how I seem to feel most of the time as of late. I really don't want to spend the whole post here talking about my parent's divorce so I'll only hit the high points.

Divorce sucks. The reasons don't matter. Period.

Divorce starts to bring out all kinds of "truths" that have been hidden over the years. You find out that people either may or may not be who you knew or suspected.

My mom is having a very hard time with everything and I can understand from a distance. After almost 32 years of marriage it would be hard to find out that your husband had been having an affair for the last year. It would then be hard to set your sights on trying to pick the pieces back up to see what can be salvaged only to find out a year later, before your 33rd anniversary, that the last year had been for nought.

My dad, as we have come to find out, began casual email correspondence with an old co-worker. After two or three years it escalated to something more. It essentially turned into a second life. Now as more and more comes back to the surface the plot only thickens and becomes more complicated.

I plan on meeting with my dad this weekend to discuss some of the insanity in which he now lives. I'm glad that we are finally meeting because I was beginning to fear that he was avoiding me and that our relationship might altogether dissolve. He is, after all, still my father.

My mother has rightfully told him that as soon as the house is refinanced in her name and she has ownership that she wants him out. I kind of hate to see that happen but it is what she needs to be able to move on with her life.

I find myself loving on my kids more these days.

One thing is for certain in life- nothing in life is for certain; circulum ad nausium.

In other news, I was recently able to finish tiling my bathtub surround. I only have a few pieces of crown moulding that need to be replaced. For the most part though, it feels pretty good to have a project complete. I haven't seemed to be able to do that for a while.

I am typing this post through the Safari web browser.

This weekend is Memorial Day weekend. My motto: Oppose war at all possible costs, but support our troops when it does happen.

That will be all for now.

I Upgraded - OR - Do You Ubuntu?

2008-05-06T16:56:00.001-06:00

It is here, and probably has been for a while before I upgraded.

So efficient.

Let's Ketchup

2008-05-04T08:30:00.003-06:00

I've been a little absent from the blog-o-sphere lately. I've just had a lot going on all at once and I've been hard pressed to have the strength to remember things that were on my mind earlier in the day when it is so late at night. I end up making mental notes in my head but then I forget where I put them.

Spring is here and I'm finally so glad to see days of sunshine and warmer temperatures that don't make me wonder who much I'm going to have to shovel the next day. I can leave my jacket in the car and the furnace doesn't have to run as much. Sleeping comes more comfortably for me...so now I just need to try and bring myself to start going to bed at decent times. The other thing that I love is that I can spend more time with my kids outside. I remember spending so much time outside as a kid. My world existed outside. The indoors seemed only to serve a few very small purposes for me-
It's where I could sleep
It's where my food came from
It's where I found shelter in the cold and rain
It's where we came to memorize the entire script of The Goonies

Now that I'm older the inside does server far more useful purposes than those listed above but too much of it is just too much. I like being outside. It helps my depression. I'd like to think that it helps my tan, but after frying myself a few years ago while fishing, this raging paradoxidation will not be too concerned about the shade of his skin. Vanity.

I came home from work on Thursday to a quiet house. My wife's van was in the driveway and I entered the house to find her busy doing wife things and the rest was all quiet. I thought that the kids may have been either outside playing quietly and I missed them, they were over at the neighbor's or they were upstairs playing so I inquired. "Where are the kids?" My wife replied "they're not here." She had left them with her parents up at the farm. It will be a good break for both us and the kids. We needed some time together with just the two of us and some quiet time to be able to do some "adult" stuff and the kids really love spending time with "Memah and Papa." Everybody wins.

So we started Friday night off with a bang in a series of adult excursions- going to a home store to begin looking at tile for our bathtub surround. That's right. How much more adult can you get than that? The only problem was that we had limited time. We had a quick look at what the offerings were in Ames before we tried to sneak in a quick "date" at Fazoli's before I had to get back home to do some work for my "regular" job. Did we get everything done that we wanted to? No, but that's OK because we still got some alone time together. It had been almost a year since she and I had ridden alone in my car.

Saturday [yesterday] was nothing short of a roller-coaster.

You may remember the cat that I blogged about in my last post. The executive decision was made painfully that she needed to find another home. We don't know quite what happened but on Friday when we were out she decided that our futon mattress and a toy box belonging to the kids were going to be her litter boxes. We can't have that. So yesterday's excursion started out by making a trip to Des Moines to look at new futon mattresses. Yep, she really unloaded on the old one.

Once the new mattress was purchased then it was off to the Animal Rescue League. I really hated to leave her there but we just could not keep her if we could not trust her to wee where she's supposed to. The thing that made me feel much better about it though is knowing that the league takes very good caution as to who they release the animals to. I am sure that she'll end up in a good home and make someone very happy...but I will miss her affectionate cuddling.

After dropping her off then we were off to lunch. The menu started out to be a trip to one of the places that we like to visit periodically where my wife can have a steaming hot plate of Carne Asada and I can get my fill of beef nachos. Two things happened, though, on the way that sidetracked us. The first was my sister calling me on my cell leaving me a message that said that we really needed to talk soon. So when I could I called her back and we agreed that we'd find a time later that day to get together and discuss what was on her mind. The second sidetracking was the notice that the mall that we were driving past now had an Old Chicago restaurant. That has become a new fav of my wife and I so we stopped there to have a makeup date for the one that we missed Friday night.

After eating we then ventured off to look at more shower tile. What a dangerous feat. You stand there in an aisle looking like a major idiot [well, at least we probably looked that way since it was our first time] trying to decide what we wanted. We had started this journey with grand ideas of having the most awesome shower that we could imagine, within out budget.....but by the time it was all said and done we had both agreed that perhaps just plain 'ole white would do the trick. So now it was just a matter of finding the best price.

On our way to the next place of interest to shop for tile prices the phone rang again and it was my sister. She had decided on a time to get together with me and it was in 10 minutes. The van then took a detour that became a 10 minute drive to what felt like was going to be a funeral of some kind. I was now on my way to have an intervention of sorts with my dad. No drug or alcohol problems involved that we knew of but still something that needed to be addressed. To make a very long story short he finally told us that he had filed for divorce.

We had seen this coming from miles away. Mom and dad have had issues for quite a few years now that had only gotten worse in the last few years and then even worse in the last year. So much secrecy and avoidance of the issue. They really thought that they were playing house to the public well enough for nobody to notice but we knew.

It's nobody else's business at this point why they are doing this but for the first time in a very long time I sat there on the couch feeling a mental schetzophrenia. On the one half of my brain I had so many thoughts and questions going through my mind and on the other half I only heard what can be described as that sad music that you might hear during the credits of a movie that closes the door on any doubts you may have had about the story.

I had a lot of friends with divorced parents when I was a kid but I never knew from any of them just what that meant for them to go through. Now I am almost 30 years old and out on my own so I imagine that I might be in somewhat of an easier place with this. It doesn't seem to have quite the same emotional impact on me that it would have otherwise had if I had to think about having clothes in two different bedrooms in two different houses...and yet still I cry.

Almost thirty-three years of marriage will soon be gone. My mom is understandably crushed as she was led to believe that last year there may have been, if even only dim at that time, some glimmer of hope for them. My dad seems calloused and resolved about it.

So now while I remain on the fence as to what my next steps are in this whole process is with them I have to somehow prepare myself for the day that will soon be approaching when I have to explain to my children why Grandpa is never at Grandma's anymore and why he lives somewhere else.

I don't know what else to say about it right now. The thing that sucks and yet still offers me hope is that I remain one of the few left in my family that has only been married once to one woman. Despite our difference, God knows I'll fight to keep this one.

I gott a go now. My nose needs to be blown and I need to get to work on my shower, or as I like to call it- therapy.

Selah

Getting Fingered

2008-04-27T00:35:00.002-06:00

This is so junior-highish to me that it isn't even really funny; and yet there's still something just vaguely cool about it.

If you can do these things then you're either ultra-cool or you need to meet that special someone- QUICKLY!

You Aint Artsier Than Me

2008-04-27T00:26:00.001-06:00

A very cool video with a very cool message and graphics.

Captain's Log- Star date 4.19.08

2008-04-18T22:59:00.004-06:00

It feels like it has been an old school G.I. Joe kung fu action grip since I've dropped a post on y'all.

So much stuff has been going down these days that I just can't seem to catch up with it. I'm just going to go in the order in which things creep up on me thinker.

I have been working my way through watching Dexter- Season 1. I have got to say that it is probably my new favourite series. It was originally made by and aired on Showtime but CBS also tried to make it into a slightly sanitized version for prime-time television. I have not been watching it there. I've been watching it in its raw form as originally aired. The premise is that Dexter is a blood spatter expert [do those even really exist? who cares?] for the Miami police department. He's got a secret though. He's really a serial killer...but the catch is that his victims are only deserving ones who have caused great harm for others. So it's really one of those that even though you know that he is in the wrong for what he is doing you still cheer for him. Kind of like Porter in Payback. I love the show and can't get enough of it.

My wife and I recently had to work through miscarrying a baby. Thankfully it was only after a few weeks of pregnancy, but I still feel sad about the loss. We are doing alright though.

Speaking of the wife, she is down in Des Moines this weekend only getting Jesus.

It has just been me and the kids tonight and will do the same tomorrow until she gets back. While I admit that there are certain times that I do look forward to the brief moments of temporary bachelorhood...things are just not the same tonight without her being here. Even though most nights we might be doing our own things around the house I guess tonight I just miss her presence.

We now have another cat again. We weren't sure what to think of her at first. She came to us from a house where she had 13 other companions to share litter boxes with. For the first several days she didn't really seem to want to have anything to do with us and then slowly she started warming up to us. Now after a few weeks she is roaming the house, trying to snuggle up to the dog and occasionally letting our daughter pet her. We finally named her. Fiona. She'll probably never catch on. She is a sweet cat that sounds like a dog's squeaky toy when she meows but she needs to learn the art of cuddling. It makes the dog jealous though.

The recent earthquake in Illinois has once again reminded me to try and be aware enough of my surroundings and the unknown that I don't get too overtaken with surprise about anything. It's even more amazing to me that the place where the earthquake happened is also the same place that holds the record for the worst earthquake in U.S. history.

I am still [very slowly but surely] working on my book. In case I didn't mention the title here before it will be called The Unauthorized & Incomplete Autobiography of Rage Perry. It's been fun so far. Now I just need to finish the damn thing.

I am now beginning the initial stages of what I hope will be my new career path. I have high ambitions to leave the cut-throat corporate IT world to pursue painting again. So if you want your house painted just let me know and I'll see if we can work something out. :-)

I am currently listening to a classic Radiohead tune called Creep. The song is a perfect stimulant for conversation as to various contextual relevances of the "F" word.

Earlier I listened to a tune from Red Hot Chili Peppers. One thing is for sure about them- whether you love or hate them they are a band to be commended for their diversity and substantive offerings. I just wish the drummer would wear clothes.

What ever happened to Dave Matthews? And where in the world are Waldo and Carmen SanDiego for that matter?

I need to go let the dog back in. I'll be right back......

OK, I'm back.

I think that's going to be all for tonight. If I think of anything later I'll scribble it then.

It's winter in the middle of a falling spring

2008-03-31T20:31:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is April 1st.

We've had 60 degree weather lately....followed by snow.

Today it was cold and rainy and it felt like a somber fall day.

What is going on these days and who do I need to talk to about it?

Worse Than Jehovah's Witnesses

2008-03-31T20:06:00.003-06:00

What a busy week last week. I worked my regular job all week with my independent gigs happening during the evenings. Then there was an emergency that started late Friday morning that then bought me 10 hours of overtime that I worked this weekend.

The working overtime didn't bother me as I knew that I would be getting paid for my work. The real kick in the nuts came when I finally had some down time with my family on Saturday night. We had just been sitting down for a short time around 8PM when there was a knock at the door. My wife answered it and I heard her talking for a few minutes. Then I heard things get a little more quiet and then I heard her call for me.

I got up and went to the door to find her standing there with the door open and no one outside that I could see. She was also holding a candle that she had just received. The next thing I know, I see two younger kids heading back up to the house from what looked like a truck outside and one of them had a big box like the one seen in the picture above and to the right.

The guys came in and the younger one of the two BS'd his way through a very brief conversation stating that he knew my name. Well, when I told him my name and he said that he lives in Omaha apparently that made some kind of connection for him...beans that I yoosta live there for a while and all. Whatever. He was 10 years younger than I am. Anywhooooo......

They claim that they are just going around getting "opinions" about this vacuum cleaner that they are lugging around. AHHHH!!!!! I'll just cut to the chase-

These kids were out selling Kirby vacuum cleaners. I told them right up front that we had just bought a new vacuum not too long ago so we weren't in the market. They went ahead and did their demo and it really did seem like a nice machine. They wanted us to buy one that night, but when I pressed them to find out how I could purchase one at a later time I found out that I can't. I told them that we did not make purchases like that without giving it thought or time to do our research. They wanted to try and get us into some financing and I told them that we only pay cash.

The showman then called his "manager" who was really just an even-more-twinky-like dope than I ever expected. He wanted to find out from his manager what kind of a deal we could get. HA! Pardon me while I vomit.

The initial price that we were told for the machine was $2069. That's a lot of bones for a vacuum. When we resisted the notion of paying that much he said that they could take our vacuum that we just bought for a trade worth $350, then take off another $100 as part of the "Kirby Sales Challenge Weekend" and so the price was now down somewhere around $1600-1700 range.

The "manager" then showed up not too long after we told him again that we would not be making a purchase that night. Now, the manager was maybe 22 or 23. Very dull on customer service skills- he answered his cell phone immediately after asking me a question. When he was done with his call I told him once again that if we did make a purchase that it would not be tonight because we do not make purchases on the fly like that.

So as a last ditch effort, while I was then on the phone in the other room, the "manager" told my wife that for $1700 he'd give us not just 1 but 2 vacuums. WOW!!! What would we do with a 2nd vacuum? Then as a very last ditch effort, when I returned from my phone call he handed me a slip of paper and said "this is what I can give it to you for tonight." The paper said $700.

WOW! All the way from $2069 down to $700. So it really wasn't worth that much to begin with?

These shisters aren't even smooth with their style. You can't buy a vacuum unless you do it right then and there.

I am so glad that we got rid of them. Later on that night I read several stories online from www.consumeraffairs.com about all of the other crap that they've pulled with some of their other sales reps on customers.

Kirby- I once loved you as you were our family vacuum. Now you suck even more than you are supposed to.

Wrapping Up The Passion

2008-03-23T18:12:00.003-06:00

Today marked the end of the Passion Week.

The festivities begin with the glorious Palm Sunday where pastors and preachers proclaim the "Triumphal Entry" of Jesus into Jerusalem. This serves as part one of the two week drama/tragedy.

I've never understood why it was called a "triumphal entry" since the same crowd that welcomed Jesus [according to the narratives] was the same one that crucified him. That doesn't sound like much of a triumph but rather a "crawfish" as they used to say back in the old west. [that's where you agree to one thing and then go back on your word....for all y'all that don't speak old west]

Next in the procession is Maundy Thursday. This is the day that is commemorated as the day that the Last Supper [or last Passover] was held with Jesus and his followers. It also remembers the prayer in the Garden of Gethsamane before Jesus was arrested and handed over to the Elders and Judas Priest.

Good Friday then follows with the remembrance of the awful torture and crucifixion of Christ. The problem with this day of remembrance though is that if you follow a real calender of events you'll find that in order for Jesus to rise from the dead after 3 days and still have it come out on a Sunday....then he would have had to have been crucified on a Wednesday before he had his Last Supper.....but I'm no math expert.

Saturday is then all quiet so that we can catch all of the basketball games on TV.

Sunday is then the main event. The day that you get up earlier than normal so that you can scoot off to church in time to catch the sunrise breakfast and all that follow. If the kids are lucky then the Jesus Bunny would have left them jolly chocolates in either various places around the house or in a nice wicker basket on the dining room table.

What I observed today at our church was a strange mix of all that made me feel weird. I saw many people who normally just wear jeans and t-shirts show up on dresses and suits. What's the difference? Why dress up more today than any other day? I really started wondering if maybe there was a funeral following the service or something.

Our pastor's sermon seemed to lack the luster that you'd typically imagine for such a day. He can always deliver a good message but for some reason today just seemed a bit out of touch for his normal presentation. To top all of that I just felt kind of bad that I generally just wanted to stay in bed all day.

We had company this weekend. We went to bed at a somewhat reasonable time last night. Well, we usually find the sack somewhere between 11pm-2am. This morning though we needed to be in the van and off to church by 7:30am in order to be there with our food for breakfast at the time that they told us.....we needed to be there by 8:00am. What time did we get there? 8:20. Nobody seemed to make a big deal out of it though so that was OK.

It was hard enough to get up, let alone get up and get 3 adults and 5 children ready to go in a short amount of time. We got there though and had our breakfast. When breakfast was done it was then Sunday School hour- something that we are never really there for. So the wife and her friend decide that would be a good time to head over to Wal-Fart and pick up some goods while I hang out in the adult Sunday School class and listen to them brainstorm about better ways to try and get good with folks before they try and sell them Jesus. I stayed around until they broke up into small groups and then that's when I found a comfy chair.

I normally get upset with people who don't have the common courtesy to pay attention to speakers in public but today during the service I lost it several times. What would otherwise pass for my deep meditation on the themes of transcendent nature ended up only being me dozing off by accident. The first time was during the offering. The other 3 or 4 times were during the sermon. Man did I feel bushed.

So much to do and keep up with today that my afternoon nap just couldn't come soon enough. I feel refreshed a bit now and I feel even better about finally spending some more time with my kids today. I haven't had a whole lot of time with them lately. I need more of it though.

Another Easter in the books. Did I miss anything?

Cleaning Up

2008-03-15T15:27:00.003-06:00

This is not an advertisement. My wife and I have finally had it with our current water situation. We live in a small town that has its own water treatment so we have "city" water but it is sooooo bad.

Whenever the kids take a bath the water has a blue-ish tint to it and it smells like a swimming pool. We probably spend more each year on Brita water filters than we would ever spend on the money that it would cost to buy salt or potassium pellets for a water softener.

So we are finally taking the plunge. Today we will be heading off to the hardware store to buy a new water softener. We have lived in this house for 6 years now and the original water softener that was here when we moved in has never worked so we've never had good water.

A few years ago we were having issues with our water heater. The heating element kept blowing on it and so my dad and I decided to open it up and take a look. After a few hours we had removed about 10 gallons of calcium and lime sediment. No wonder we didn't seem to be able to take very long showers before it got cold. I am thinking that we might be due for the new water heater next year but we'll just have to see.

I will be installing this puppy myself so I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers that I can get.

Update- Saturday night: We didn't get this today. We didn't plan our time well enough and the store closed before we got there. Hopefully they still have some left when we try again tomorrow and the sale is still on.

It's DST Again- Spring Forward!

2008-03-08T23:12:00.002-06:00

Rock On!

2008-03-07T23:44:00.001-06:00

Heavy Metal Cello Badass cellists, Apocalyptica, perform Metallica`s ``Enter Sandman`` at Rock im Park festival in Germany.

No Vote For You!!!

2008-03-07T23:14:00.003-06:00

This happy couple to the left is the product of an Iowa judge who, in the heat of the moment, decided to legalize gay marriage in the state of Iowa for about 1 day before he realized what a HUGE decision he made. At the end of the day he then decided to put a stay on his own decision making it not legal again.

The state of Iowa is now trying really really hard to enforce the Defence Of Marriage Act [DOMA] but they are having a tough time with it. Correction- The people of the state of Iowa are having a hard time getting anywhere with it. Why? Because the State Legislature will apparently neither open this topic up for further debate, nor put this out for the people of the state to vote on.

I am not going to use this post to talk about my views on the issue. I am going to use this post to talk about how the state is, once again, taking the final decisions out of the voter's hands and making its own decision. My opinion on the matter isn't as important as my outrage that the voters will not have any say in this. What ever happened to the phrase "by the people, for the people?" Since when does the state have the right to take away the voter's voices?

It is my understanding that most likely the majority of Iowa voters would be against the legalization of gay marriage. If that is the case then the majority vote should speak loud enough to voice that it should not be legalized. If this is then the case, then why would the minority voice of those in charge see ANY permission whatsoever to pass legislation that is completely contrary to the people's wishes?

To me this is no longer an issue of whether or not we should allow gay marriage in the state of Iowa, this is a question of liberty. "Give me liberty or give me.....oh, you don't have any more of that? Then I'll take whatever's left."

When the people start to lose their voice then it's time to start cleaning house. Will anyone be willing to do what is necessary to reclaim their freedoms and responsibilities?

Puff, Puff, Pass

2008-03-01T16:13:00.002-06:00

I feel like I've been doing what this post is entitled. Puff, Puff, Pass. The smoke fills the room, you get that feeling in your body that lets you know that your senses have been dulled a bit and you've got the effects of what you've inhaled yourself directly as well as the additional contact high.

I say all of that tongue-in-cheek because I need something to smooth the insides of my cheeks back out from all of the gnawing on them that I've done watching this 2008 election madness. At this point I am really starting to feel like we might be best off to just go to the zoo and let the animals have a poo flingin' contest. Whoever of them wins then gets a new seat in the oval office.

Let's take a gander shall we?

On the Democratic side we have Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton. I am bothered by both of them.

I am bothered by Hillary because of all of the darkness that the Clinton family has behind them. And currently there is a lot of speculation as to whether or not she herself is truly a married lesbian. Let's face it- Bill has even been on record as to what her sexual habits are, and yet no one seems to bring that up, ever. I am not saying that she should be disqualified from the race because of that but with it being such a hot-button issue these days you'd think that it might be a more highly discussed topic.

I am bothered by Barak because no one really seems to know what he stands for. He is assumed to have similar positions to his other Democratic counter parts but no one knows for sure. Here's an example- if you watch the news or opinion poles and people are asked why they support him the general answers are either "because he believes in hope" or "because he is committed to change." Well, what I want to know is what hope and change mean to him. Can anyone tell us that?

So on the Democratic side we'd be looking at two possible "firsts." We'd either be looking at our first Black or Woman/Lesbian president. I personally don't think that Obama's race matters. America can handle it...but what about a woman? I'm not saying that it's too much....neither of them have any military experience either.

Now over to the Republican party.

John McCain is said to possibly be even more liberal than Hillary is. Is this the case? He does seem softer on border policy [he is from a border state] than what the majority of conservatives would like to see. He also wants to continue to fight the "War On Terror." This seems to be a common desire among Republicans. "We started it and we should end it," so goes the chant. He is for gun control, which is not very Republican of him. He is pro-life. Well, I guess there is a lot that goes into this man. He is really what should be called a Moderate. Basically many Republicans don't seem to care for him because he's too close to the left for them than what they would prefer. How then did Mitt Romney, Ron Paul and Mike Huckabee lose so much support? Perhaps Romney was too polished. Ron Paul may have lacked the experience? Maybe the country is past the point of wanting to mix religion and politics with Huckabee.

McCain seems like he would be a better candidate for an actual third party. Perhaps before it is over he will have a third party following. For right now though he just seems to be rubbing many the wrong direction. Or maybe the Republican party is finally starting to fall apart.

Last, but not least, is Ralph Nader.

This guy always seems to come up out of the woodwork at close to the last minute. I have never really been for him but I have come to expect him to throw in his bid in each election. It seems like the guy has now been a candidate at one level or another in every election since the 70's.

I was checking him out the other night and just wasn't sure what to think. He is pro gay-marriage, pro-choice and pro-socialization of many things. He is anti-corporation, anti-NAFTA, anti-outsourcing, anti-war, anti-overinflated military, anti-gun and many other things.

I felt really conflicted as I read about him because it seemed like for every one thing about him that I liked there was something there to match with a negative mark. I really wanted to believe that even though this guy never made it in the past that possibly this election he would bring something to the table worth feasting on. I was hoping that we might finally have some reasonable alternative to the bland and sinking two-party system that we've been tied to for so long.

So now here I sit feeling a little discouraged. Up until now I have kind of written off the political process as something that just didn't interest me. This year something is different. This year I was really hoping that there would be a candidate to get excited about. I really wanted to have someone to rally around but I don't know if that's going to be an option. We'll just have to roll with the punches and get our rations as they are given.

Something about this point in our nation's life just feels so much like it was 1984.

Concrete Garages

2008-03-01T15:04:00.005-06:00

Today I stumbled on a UK website that offers Concrete Sheds and Garages.

I have to admit that sitting here looking out my windows now, as I survey my own garage that is old and pretty much falling apart, that I wouldn't mind having one of these on my lot. In fact, I'd take both the garage and shed. They are made of concrete so the maintenance would be low. No painting, staining, or siding needed. All you would have to do is occasionally give them a power wash and they'd be good as new.

I currently have a two-story garage that I am often afraid to put things in because they are either harder to retrieve later or the layout just isn't conducive to what I want to use it for. And did I mention that it is close to falling apart? Sorry, I guess I did. I wouldn't be so worried if it were made of concrete and uPVC. One of the reasons why it is falling apart is that over time moisture has gotten in either through the roof that needs replaced or through the cracks in the wood siding that is ready to fall off. With materials that are weather resistant I wouldn't need to worry about how long it was going to last me.

Anyways, go on over to the website and check them out.

HE? HA!

2008-02-29T16:07:00.001-06:00

I seriously doubt that we will ever see this in a very practical way but here's an interesting concept for the environmentally conscious.

Wanna Leap?

2008-02-29T14:51:00.001-06:00

Today is Leap Year Day.

Enjoy this interesting video on the topic-

I was waiting for it...

2008-02-25T22:04:00.003-06:00

And now I have it! I knew that it was only a matter of time.

I know that the guy will probably never win but he also sure never gives up either.

Solar Mortgages?

2008-02-25T21:43:00.004-06:00

That's right- a Solar Mortgage.

I know that you might be asking what that is...I know I was. I was reading about issues pertaining to mortgages at a UK Mortgages website. The particular article that caught my eye was this one.

The article talked about how there is now a special type of mortgage offered for buyers who will use the interest savings to invest into putting a solar power energy system into their house. At first I was taken back by that. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that a lender would actually discount an interest rate but I suppose that there just might be some good guys out there somewhere.

Can you imagine the overall savings to the pocketbook, as well as to the environment, to be able to fully power your house on solar energy and receive an interest rate discount? In my world that would be having my cake and eating it too. If the house was able to take the solar energy and convert it to electricity then that would pretty well eliminate the need for natural gas heat and cooking. And since you wouldn't be dependent on another source for power can you imaging what it would be like to not be threatened by the same power outages that others might be weary of?

Personally, I think that this is a great idea that I would love to see catch on here in the US but we'll just have to see if it ever does. What a way to radically help improve the environment!

123 Book Meme

2008-02-24T08:38:00.005-06:00

This is an idea that I was tagged with by the Llama Herder. It is simple- A meme is an idea and/or a topic. Or something. Google it or something if you don’t get it. Here’s the gist of it.

(1) Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. No cheating! (2) Turn to page 123. (3) Find the first 5 sentences. (4) Post the next 3 sentences. (5) Tag 5 people.

"He simply said, I'm Bennet, and exhibited his voltmeter. It didn't work. Bill got that puzzled look on his face and asked, Could you tell me where I know you from?"

This is from the book Good Benito by Alan Lightman. The book's description is:

Bennet "Benito" is a yound scientist who seeks solace in the precise and irrefutable laws of physics, only to find that he cannot escape his own humanity. But he is about to discover love, betrayal, and a whole spectrum of mortal phenomena. Soon he will be forced to face the unpredictable, everyday reality he evades- and to learn from it.

It is a really good book but you have to get used to the author's lack of punctuation when quoting people. Once you can get passed that and used to the format it is a really quick and enjoyable read.

I now tag Jason and Spoon.

Sorry Ryan, my blog world is even more ingrown than yours is...

Avoid Bankruptcy

2008-02-24T08:17:00.003-06:00

I am often comforted when I find out that I am in some kind of trouble and I'm not the only one. I mean, no one that I know of really likes to be in trouble but it just seems easier to go through it with others or with the knowledge that you're not alone. So let's talk about debt for a minute.

When I was out of college and didn't have a job I still wanted to buy stuff, so what did I do? I got a credit card. Probably not a smart move at the time but technically I didn't know any better. What was worse is that even after I had come up close to my limit the credit card company allowed me to book a round-trip flight that then pushed me over the edge. Now I had not only the original debt that I could only make minimum payments on, but I also just added overage charges and late fees.

I carried this debt, student loans and a car payment into my marriage. When we were first married though we were more concerned about living happily and enjoying the money that we were making rather than getting clear of our debt. All of that changed when we finally woke up and realized that if we wanted to be able to enjoy more of our money that we should pay off the debts first. Then no one would be able to have any further claim to what should be ours. Several years later we are now almost completely debt free. It has taken a lot of hard work and discipline but we're almost there.

Many people in today's economy are facing potential bankruptcy. Part of it has to do with the fact that today's wage just doesn't go as far as it did many years ago. The other part of it has to do with the fact that many consumers today are flat out paying too much money that they don't have for things that they do not need. Does that make them bad people? No. It simply means that they've gotten in too deep for whatever the reasons are. They need a lesson in debt management and how to recover from it.

For those who have trouble doing it on their own let me suggest working an IVA. This is a legally binding agreement between you and your creditors to help reduce your debt, freeze your interest and allow you to pay off the debt more quickly so that you can get back on your feet.

My wife and I have been fortunate enough to be able to work this out on our own but if you need assistance then don't wait until it's too late. Debt can be hard but bankruptcy has bigger black eyes waiting that you might realize.

Don't wait. Do something today.

Can You Spare Some Change?

2008-02-23T22:24:00.003-06:00

Today I had to eat some humble pie, but don't tell my wife.

We decided to take a trip. As part of the trip we took a short ride down an exit ramp off of the Interstate to get into the town that we marked as our destination. At the end of the ramp was....you've all seen them....someone standing there with a sign that said something to the effect of "Homeless and Hungry."

I always hate the see people like this it makes several thoughts go through my head- 1.) Where did they manage to get the materials needed to make the sign? 2.) Why do they always position themselves in places that invoke the guilt of whoever purposely ignores them as they sit in their cars. 3.) Why, if you decide to help them, are you forced to make such a short notice decision? 4.) Isn't there something better that could be done about this?

What made this even worse is that we were on our way to a restaurant to meet some friends for lunch. How does that not drive a nail into the coffin of your excuse factory?

My wife felt compelled to do something to try and help the situation but I was driving. My rational was admittedly bi-polar. I was faced with the fact that on the one hand I am all about being as charitable as possible when the opportunity arises and makes the most sense. On the other hand though, I have a very hard time just handing out money to someone that looks like they need it. To me it is always so much more practical to help someone by doing something for them or assisting them in helping themselves rather than just throw money at the issue. So that was my rational; we were not in a position to help in a way that seemed to make the biggest difference so I would rather keep the money.

My wife, however, still felt compelled to do something. I won't call her expression of thoughts at this point "nagging" but she was definitely intent on making sure that I understood what her desire was for the person hanging out with their sign at the bottom of the off ramp. I also then started to get more upset with her the longer she talked about it because I felt like I would either finally be guilted into doing what I didn't want to do....or end up being the bad guy for putting my foot down and saying that my decision to not help out was final. But again, the conflict in my logic was raging and I started to feel like the ass.

I finally decided to [grudgingly] drive back down to the nearest spot possible for parking so that I could go do my "good deed" for the day. By this time my wife had already pulled an envelope of cash out of thin air that we could use to accomplish the task.

I drove down the street, parked the van and then began to head on foot through the snow....across the entrance ramp.....through some more snow and mud on the side of the road that went under the overpass....and finally made my way up to what was now 2 people at the end of the off ramp.

What am I doing? What does this look like? What will others think I am out here doing? Is there anyone living under this bridge? What if these people are cons? What are my chances of getting run over or somehow killed as part of this? I hope my wife is happy? I hope my kids understand what I am doing? What do these people look like? What will they think of me?

As I approached, the original person that I saw standing there continued to hold his sign but the second person who was sitting there on some bags noticed me coming and they stood up and joined the other one. I then got close enough to notice that it was a woman there with the man. She noticed and acknowledged me by saying hello. Now there was no turning back.

Why am I doing this? Isn't there any other way to get them help? Is this the only thing that I can do? And then with a blink it hit me.

This is what I can do; at least today and right now with these folks. I don't have any other options but am I willing to do at least this much? What if they don't get anything else today? I may be the only charity that they see all weekend, do I want to be responsible for ignoring a need like this? Does their situation really need to matter to me as much as their immediate need?

I gave them the money and talked with them for a minute before heading back to the van.

I wanted to say something snide to my wife earlier about her idea of giving them money being so "Democrat-like"...as if just throwing money at a problem was going to help it....but I realized on my walk back that it would have been a foolish statement. This wasn't political it was personal. These were people.

I don't write this to put any spotlight on me or my family and what we did....but rather just to stop and ponder what our motives and intentions are behind what we either pursue or ignore. I can't tell anyone who is reading this what is right or wrong about their decisions, I can only say that my original intent was wrong today and now I stand corrected; and because of that I am not sure whether I did them a favour.....

Maybe those two homeless people did the favour for me.

Web Hosting Choices

2008-02-23T22:16:00.004-06:00

Are you looking for a host for your website and just don't know how to pick the right one? Many people people, like myself, would like to get a website started with their own domain name but have no idea where to start. There are so many providers out there that offer so many choices...how does one decide?

Visit web hosting choice to find out all about it. On their page you will find all kinds of information on what is involved in the process of getting your own website, a quick-starter guide and a very helpful web hosting FAQ page. There is even a page dedicated to helping you chose your web host based on certain criteria that you specify based on the services and pricing that matter most to you.

Check them out today and finally get your website off the ground!

Disclosure Policy

Where is it going?

2008-02-20T23:28:00.005-06:00

I have no idea where the time is going but I have to admit that it is getting a little bit discouraging. I am often reminded that my kids are getting bigger and older right in front of my eyes.

Just tonight at the dinner table I was thinking about how quickly everything is going by. Right after that thought I then also remembered that we are now 20 days into February. In my mind that means that winter's days are now numbered and spring is just around the corner.

I guess that the average temperature for this time of year in my neck of the woods should be in the 30's but today the high was a whopping 0. Days like today are just hard to get motivated to leave the house. But have no fear- tomorrow the high is supposed to be somewhere from the mid teens to the low 20's. I just want to be able to get out and do something outside of the house with the wife and kids.

Sorry, but I guess this is just one of my random droning posts. Comments and reprimands are always welcome.

Making Money Online

2008-02-20T23:13:00.005-06:00

I have not spent the time lately that I really need to blogging and getting the word out either about my own thoughts or the products and services that are out there being offered. I have recently been reminded of how I need to get back into the swing of things in this area.

In addition to my regular pounding out of ideas there is another service that can be very beneficial to the viewers of this blog...and you can also make it work for you. The service is called Pay Per Post. You can actually get paid for using your blog to place ads for people offering their goods and services.

As people read your regular blog they can also have the opportunity to see an advertisement or two that may appeal to something that they are looking for. The benefit of this is that not only can they be one step closer to having a need met but you can also make a few bucks by offering the referral.

This is a nice option to have if you find yourself a little tight on money these days, especially with our economy the way it is. With the extra money here and there that I take in with Pay Per Post ads I can have a little more cash on hand to be able to treat my family to something nice once in a while.

You can read more about it at blog ads

The Grammys

2008-02-17T13:55:00.003-06:00

I know that it has now been about a week since the airing of the Grammy Award presentations but I am not just getting around to pounding out my thoughts about this.

This year marked the 50th Anniversary of the program. 50 years is nothing to sneeze at and typically I enjoy watching the show but this year just seemed to suck. I realize that with this being the landmark anniversary that they wanted to try and cover a good share of things that have been done in the past as a form of nostalgia but this year was just a bit off the keel.

For the most part I felt that the musical representation during the show was hardly a fair representation of the market. There were 3 or 4 R &B performances, 1 Rock, 1 Country, 1 Classical Piano...and Tina Turner. Given the fact that the music industry is so much more diverse than any of us could really know, it just seemed like such a crappy fraction that they gave to us to watch.

I also understand that this show is all about marketing. I understand that a large majority of the viewing audience probably has been sucked into thinking that Beyonce, Kanye West and Alicia Keys are the only legitimate voices on the airways. COME ON THOUGH!!!!! I think that it's sad when late night talk show host seem to poke fun at the idea of someone like Herbie Hancock actually winning the Album Of The Year award. Jazz has it's place an apparently not many sheeple can recognize that.

It was also quite a phenomenon to see Tina Turner up there on stage still trying to shake her money maker. I'm sorry but I felt like I wanted some sort of a rebate or something after watching that. It is only getting increasingly irritating for music and television personalities continually trying to re-invent themselves. How can they continually ride on the heels of their previous fame?

The biggest quagmire of the evening was, of course, Amy Winehouse. She was able to work a deal to perform from London instead of having to come to the States because of her current stint in rehab. How to people like her even get into the industry to begin with? Sure, I think that some of her music is fun to listen to. It has a retro sort of sound, but from a marketing point of view how can a record company invest in such a liability as her?

And I was most amused by the fact that she was able to perform on both the level of her music and the level of looking shocked after winning her award. Is it so shocking that she would win after being in the media so much? And what also about the question that I have concerning celebrities with cooky personalities? They seem to be able to perform really well and have it all together but then whenever they have to speak to the public in any sort of way they just sound socially defunct. Amy Winehouse is the current subject at hand but others like Harrison Ford and Russell Crowe also come to mind.

Anyways, now that the 50th anniversary is over with I hope to see things get a little more back to normal next year.

It's The End Of The World As We Know It

2008-02-05T23:47:00.000-06:00

...And I feel fine...

Caught Up

2008-01-31T14:27:00.000-06:00

It has been more than a month now since my last post here, so I apologize to my readers...if I have any left.

I would like to thank my wife for reading this. She is about the only one that I know of who reads this because she is the only one who ever comments. For everyone else, thanks for reading too...I just don't know who's out there.

So much has been happening lately-

The new year was brought in. Welcome 2008, although you feel a lot like last year so far.

This year we spent our first New Year's Eve in a bar. That is not typically something that my wife and I would do but this year was different. My aunt and uncle were in town visiting. My aunt is only six years older than I am and my uncle is only 4 years older. We both have kids that are close to the same age as well so it really felt more like hanging out with friends. The bar was busy. It was the busiest place that I have ever been in. I'm sure that if the Fire Marshall had stopped by that he would have shut the place down; but we almost saw a fight take place right behind our table so that helped add to some excitement.

What was the fight about? There was this guy that had already had too much to drink and someone else that was there with him wouldn't give him his keys. It was funny at first but then it got annoying. We weren't hoping that they would fight, but we were hoping that the drunk guy would either get a cab or walk home. He was in no shape to drive.

Anyways, we had a good time. We drank some beer, smoked some cigars and brought in 2008 together.

I took two weeks off of work around the holidays.

Note to self- it is always harder for me to return to work with good spirits after taking that much time off at once.

I didn't do any more podcasting during my break or up until now because I am not sure if it is worth my time.

Since I have returned to work life has pretty well returned to normal. I get up, drive to work, work all day, come home and maybe work some more, spend a little time with my family, spend a little time on the Internet, and then I go to bed only to get back up and do it all over again. Five days a week.

The Iowa caucus is now over. I can finally go through my day without having some presidential wanna-be calling me to tell me what is wrong with the other candidates.

I went to our district caucus. I admit that I went to caucus for a Republican candidate; but that was only because he was a Libertarian at heart. I was disappointed to find out that the Republican caucus was basically just an inflated version of an opinion poll. I think that I like the Democrat's use of this function to weed out the weaker candidates better. It seems to have more of a point to it. It was an interesting experience though. I had never done that before.

Now it appears that Giulliani and Edwards have dropped out of the race. I wasn't going to vote for either of them but I didn't see that coming. Neither did I foresee John McCain climbing the wall the way he has been lately. I think that the race is showing some interesting things though-

Republicans are possibly starting to see Mitt Romney as a cardboard candidate; he looks shiny but there's no depth to him. Sure we'd all like him running our company but not necessarily our country
Republicans don't have as much faith as expected in Mike Huckabee (pun kind of intended)
Democrats have revealed in the dropping out of John Edwards that there are a bunch of them that don't really care for either Clinton or Obama

I would like to see Ron Paul get elected. We need a good renegade in office for a while.

Movies I've recently seen-

Juno, Superbad, Shoot 'Em Up, 1408, Heat, Saw IV, Hostel 2, I Am Legend, Untraceable, The Reaping, Vacancy, An Evening With Kevin Smith, 28 Weeks Later - I guess that seems like a lot of movies in the last month.

Actor Heath Leger recently passed away. It is always unfortunate whenever anyone dies. It is always even more unfortunate how the press handles such events. It is always then even more unfortunate how the Westboro Baptist Church handles such events.

I have recently switched from drinking a lot of soda and coffee to drinking tea (with only a minimal amount of sugar or none at all) in their place. I now find that I am not as hungry as often and my pants now feel like they are getting bigger.

I don't blog as much as I'd like to. I don't do a lot of what I want to as much as I'd like to, but I hope that I am learning to better prioritize my time to allow for the things that are most important.

Podcast for 12.29.2007

2007-12-30T01:08:00.000-06:00

In this episode I talk about the NBC show To Catch A Predator and I share my Christmas experience for this year.

Click Here To Listen

(For a short time you can right-click and select "Save As" to download it directly from the link, otherwise it is safe to click on the above link and download it from the Media Fire website. I am working on finding another free service that I can use to have a regular syndication with an RSS feed for all you iPodders)

A New Message Board On The Block

2007-12-28T16:35:00.001-06:00

As many of you who know me personally are aware, I am a big fan of Michael Savage. Although I do not agree with every point of his politics I absolutely LOVE listening to his voice of reason that silences so many of the other sheeple on the airwaves.

Call him what you want but I call him a genius. If you don't know what to call him then you need to check out his website.

The real news in this post is that Michael now has a Savage Message Board.

Listen to the show and check it out!

Festivus

2007-12-24T19:39:00.000-06:00

Happy Festivus Everyone!

Catching Up

2007-12-22T22:08:00.000-06:00

What a last several _____ it's been.

Let's recap on some things that have gone down lately.

Back on December 17th my wife and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. Who would have known, including us, that we would have lasted this long? Well we have and I must say that it just keeps getting better. It truly does keep climbing. We sure have plenty of differences but we have really learned to deal with them and how to still have fun with each other. It seems like a lot of the things that may have set us off a few years ago are now just little things that we can calmly and rationally discuss without then having a week of silence. I love my wife and she loves me. That is really what these seven years have been about.

The weather out side is frightful.

The only thing we have to fear is... the fact that John McCain apparently sent me an email today to an account that I don't even use. I don't know if that is even legal, but I am just really bothered that I am now getting unsolicited email in accounts that aren't really even registered with anything. I am happy to see though that we finally got our family Xmas card from the Romney family. I was afraid that with everything that goes into the campaign that they might forget to cease the opportunity for such a shameless personal plug.

Last night I watched the movie White Christmas for the first time.

I really would like to have dreadlocks.

While driving on the way home from work yesterday on the Interstate Santa waved at me from the car in the next lane over. I waved back and then continued on. All the while I couldn't help but think "hey, I just got waved at by Santa."

Perez Hilton is really ugly, but he's got on incredibly irrelevant website that makes a whole buttload of money everyday.

There's life out there but not as we know it.

I now leave you with this-

Xmas Eve Cubed

2007-12-22T17:24:00.000-06:00

For me, songwriting is something like breathing: I just do it. But that doesn't mean you're fantastic.- Adam Duritz

I think that in some regards that I used to be a songwriter. Perhaps it might be even more accurate to say that I used to write a variety of lyrics to mediocre music that I somehow sludged together.

I know that every artist is their own worst critic but the thing that I hate so much about my music is that I either like the music and hate the words or I like the words and hate the music. Or I start out trying to write something of my own and then just end up playing a medley of tunes by someone else.

Adam Duritz has been and is currently probably my favourite singer/songwriter. So many of the songs that he has written so easily make up what I feel could be the soundtrack of my life. I also really love singing along to the songs as well, but I think that maybe that is just as far as I should ever take it...and when I am alone.

I think that of all the mediums out there that just plain and simple writing fits me best. I can sit and think and let the thoughts pour from my head, down my neck and through my arms. When I am writing a story or a blog I can paint a picture or tell a story in a clear and concise way; almost like being able to let the reader experience the same things that are in my head at the time that I pounded it out. Song writing is so much different for me though. I often feel by the end of trying to write something new that I have finally lost any complete sense of what I set out to talk about.

I love to be able to collaborate with others in their music. I have fun trying to provide the complimentary parts to their already great works, but in no way do I have any supplemental value.

Although I also really like to write I just don't really have the time. I was thinking about putting together some kind of pseudo-fictional account of various things that happened to me in High School and College, and I may still get around to that someday, but then the other issue that I have [much like my audioblog] is the question of who would even care?

So, how's that for a crappy and meaningless post?

Come back later and I will have more material of a little better substance.

Theolitics?

2007-12-07T21:23:00.000-06:00

I am bothered by this a little bit. I am not so much bothered by the idea that someone in a political office holds a religious view, and not even that they would speak about it publicly...but when an address to a crowd is done so via the avenue of the pretence that such a conversation actually transpires, or is actually valid, is just unsettling to me. The notion that anyone, which I do not accuse Gov. Huckabee of doing outright, would make decisions in office under the premise that they believed that it was a god of some type moving them to do something is just bothersome. Thankfully he did note that god was neither a Democrat nor a Republican.

But lest I be accused of harping on the G.O.P. [God's Own Posse] I would have a similar critique of Senator John Edwards' application of the teachings of Christ. Much of his social policy is based on the national application of Matthew 25 when Jesus speaks of how our attitude toward him is reflected in how we treat "the least of the brethren." Is it fair to take individual admonitions and try to apply them at the national level via political mandate?

I am a fairly conservative guy, politically....but I just don't think that God and politics mix well. It's hard enough to get local churches to come together in agreement of how the world turns; how much harder to let the blind lead the blinder....

Podcast for 12.06.2007

2007-12-06T01:30:00.000-06:00

"Short Order" podcast. Well, no one ordered this; I just spouted it out at the last minute.

This morning I ask a question that was on my mind. I'm not directly looking for any answers to it...I just needed to get it out there.

Click Here To Listen
(Or Right-Click and "Save As" to save it to your hard drive)

?

2007-12-03T00:15:00.000-06:00

Podcast for 12.01.2007

2007-12-02T01:09:00.000-06:00

This one is the first "full-length" production being put out for public hearing.

I talk about political calls to my house, Xmas, religion, and we read some weird news stories.

Click Here To Listen
(Or Right-Click and "Save As" to save it to your hard drive)

A Raging Parapodcastration

2007-11-27T01:06:00.000-06:00

I have gotten so many inquiries about why I did not have a new podcast put up this weeken....well, I guess I didn't have any inquiries at all; but the fact remains that I was not able to put one together. Due to reasons beyond my control I did not have any time to do so.

I do hope to get one done this week that is hopefully worth while....but in the mean time I hope that everyone can enjoy this.

Let it snow?

2007-11-21T19:03:00.000-06:00

On today's show I have some random musings and other stuff.

Click Here To Listen

(Or Right-Click and "Save As" to save it to your hard drive)

2007-11-20T23:44:00.000-06:00

I can't even think of a title for this entry...

The only phrase that comes to mind is : Buffer Overflow. Do you know what that is? I am a geek so I do know what it is and I will share the definition with you-

In computer security and programming, a buffer overflow, or buffer overrun, is a programming error which may result in a memory access exception and program termination, or in the event of the user being malicious, a breach of system security.

That is what happened in my brain as I watched this video.

Proceed with caution.

Daft Bodies - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Add to My Profile | More Videos

The Audioblog/Podcast

2007-11-20T01:23:00.000-06:00

Hey everybody, this is my first attempt at this.

Give it a listen and then let me know what you think.

Click Here To Listen

(Or Right-Click and "Save As" to save it to your hard drive)

Going Audio

2007-11-19T21:13:00.000-06:00

This is just a note to my readers that I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.

Piggy-backing on the above note, I thought that this might be a good time to announce the desire of mine to turn this into an audioblog/podcast.

I am seriously thinking about turning this blog and my thoughts into something that you can download and listen to. I guess it is just the right time to move forward in this direction.

If everything works out with the web hosting and I can get all of the details worked out then I hope to be able to offer something in this arena by the end of the week.

Cheers!

A Random Thought Before Bed

2007-11-17T00:44:00.000-06:00

I must confess that these thoughts just seem to come completely out of nowhere tonight. I guess that is what happens during the time in which you'd like to be in bed but then decided that since you took all of your pills right before wanting to climb into bed that you should wait a little while to try and get the last pee in first....

Now that I've gotten the personal information out of the way we can finally get down to business.

For no apparent reason tonight I was thinking about something from my past that I confess that I have fallen victim to- sometimes liking your girlfriend's best friend more than you liked your girlfriend. Do you know what I'm talking about? It is a very strange and uncomfortable position to be in, but I've been there; and it didn't really matter either way.

It's not like this was a regular occurrence with me, it just happened once in a while. Since I'm fairly sure that they don't read my blog, and since this is all water under the bridge now I'll go ahead and name the names that I remember.

I first remember "going with" Charleen when I was 14 [that was not an intentional rhyme] but she had this friend named "Peaches" that I found myself looking at a little too often.

Then I remember when I was dating Trisha, she had this friend named Diane that I thought was really groovy.

OK, so I admit that all of 2 times is probably the extent of this and so I've made something out of nothing. It is just something that jumped into my mind because I thought that a topic like that might make for interesting material for a song of some type; but I didn't know if I necessarily wanted to be the one to try and write it. How do you write a song like that to admit such a thing without it coming off as something vindictive? I don't know either.

I do know now though that suddenly I feel really warm and I finally have to pee.

G'night.

Render Unto Caesar

2007-11-15T06:48:00.000-06:00

In recent news Senator Charles Grassley (R. Iowa) has launched an inquiry to many of the major televangelists across the US. Apparently there has been enough suspicion in his mind that has arisen to the possibility of the misuse of donor funds that he now is attempting to work with the Senate Finance Committee to investigate the issue. Some of those that are being investigated are Creflo Dollar, Kenneth Copeland, Benny Hinn, Paula White and a few others.

Currently many of these folks and their churches are sheltered by tax laws under their organizations 501 C(3) status as "non-profit" organizations. I'm sure that the term "non-profit" is really anything but in their case. Many of these clowns live in multi-million dollar homes and wear $2000 suits. They have also used ministry money to purchase air planes and other luxury travel expenditures, some to the tune of hotel rooms costing $10K per night.

Apparently the Senate Finance Committee will step in if they are unable to find reasonable evidence from the IRS or these organizations that everything seems to be on the up and up. The only problem with satisfying the IRS is that there is no requirement for these guys to submit any detailed records because of their charitable organization status.

Ultimately from an income standpoint, these folks are cheating the system in the highest ways possible. They are using money that their donors have given them on a tax free basis to live tax free lifestyles of luxury. We need major tax reform.

There is a lot of money tied up in the various religious non-profit organizations that seems pretty unfair to the rest of the tax paying world. Although the issue of taxing these organizations on the basis of income can be a sticky issue, the truth is that an income tax is not the answer. The income tax, as a whole, is really technically an illegal tax. There is absolutely no mention of a tax on income anywhere in the Constitution or anywhere in our law books; so we have to rule out working with something that illusive.

My proposal would be to institute the same tax then that the rest of us have to pay; property tax. There are many churches in America today that have very elaborate buildings. They are really nice to look at form the outside, but the fact is that most of the time they are not being used for charitable purposes. The facilities themselves are not typically open for the use of the public, but rather only on a limited schedule for limited members of its congregation. Not necessarily a bad idea, but the bottom line is that there is a hell of a lot of money wrapped up in those places. I can think of several churches even here in the state of Iowa whose property values, according to their county Tax Assessors, well exceed the million dollar mark. So that means that there are hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not several millions, that are not being claimed by facilities that still hold the same right as the rest of us to call upon the local services of fire and rescue, police, etc...

Ultimately there will be no fair and just way of pinning tax fraud on many of these jokers...that will just be a very difficult task in light of the fine and delicate line of not allowing the state to dictate what the reasonable expenses of these churches should be...but they should at least be able to start taxing the entities themselves fairly like the rest of us and have them start rendering unto Caesar their fair share.

Good work Senator Grassley. I applaud your efforts here. And I'm glad for your credibility on the issue. You can't be accused of doing this under the guise of anti-religious harassment since you consider yourself also a Christian who is just calling for accountability.

Mr. Mom

2007-11-03T19:50:00.000-06:00

Today I let my wife have the day to herself. What this meant was that she started off by sleeping till about 1pm and then got up and got ready to go off to do other stuff without me or the kids. I was glad to be able to give her that time because she runs a very hectic ship here on the home front.

Days like today are really good for me for perspective. They are good memories for me to zero back in on if I ever come home from work some night and feel frustrated that dinner isn't made or that the kitchen or family room is a mess. It happens. It happens even more when you've got two crazy kids that both require a lot of attention and supervision.

This is a tribute to all the moms out there who make the sacrifice for their families to stay home instead of being in a full time job outside of the home. I'm not saying that stay-at-home mom's are superior in any way but they have certainly chosen their vocation carefully. I could not do it. I would like to think that given the right opportunities and circumstances that I could be a full time stay-at-home dad, but there is just no way.

But what did happen today was good:

Making breakfast for the kids is usually no big deal; it is getting them to eat it that is the challenge.

Bathing the kids can be fun; but there is always this certain level of assumed vanity that goes into it for me because I know that my son especially will be just as dirty as he was before the bath by the end of the day.

Lunch, see comments about breakfast.

My afternoon duties today included doing some dishes and trying to get my kids to pitch in and pick up all of the toys that were not being played with. Sometimes I feel like that endeavour is like trying to pull long nose hairs off a gnat. We did eventually get somewhere though.

Horse rides; my kids like to think that I am a horse so they climb up and down off of me as many times a possible. The irony in that is that when they actually are near a horse- once they get on it is hard to get them off.

Cartoons, Cartoons, and Cartoons; I am not really a fan of just sitting my kids down in front of the TV and letting their brains become mush, but sometimes you just have to do it for the sake of your own sanity. Thomas the Train Engine, Bear in the Big Blue House, and many old Loony Toons characters became closer friends today.

I love my kids, but I have to give the bigger shout-out today to my wife who does all this stuff every day.